Star Wars: The Soul of a Sith

Chapter 18

"Your father died well," Ren's mother said as they neared the ships and their comrades. "He was a fine warrior – the best I have ever fought save Sakar himself."

Ren felt what he could from his mother's emotions. She did not have his level of mental talent in the Force, yet her thoughts were ordered and tightly controlled. She had a strength of will that Ren found nigh impossible to penetrate. He caught only fragments from her, but one of those fragments now told him that she did in fact care for Ren's father in her own detached way.

"What did he mean to you?" Ren said.

"He was your father," she whispered in a soft rasp. "All that is in you that is not of me is of him."

"Did you love him?"

There was a brief silence, and then she said: "No." She took several steps, then said: "I would see him avenged though. He was worthy of respect."

Ren thought of Sakar slicing into his father with that enormous red lightsaber. Everything the two of them might have shared, everything that Ren might have learned from knowing the parent whom he had been kept from his entire life had all been wiped out in one deathly stroke by that wretched Sith creature. Ren wanted to kill Sakar slowly and brutally for that.

"Yes-s-s," his mother said, and Ren felt her hand move to his shoulder. "I have always known you have a great Sith within you beneath all your layers of compassion and empathy. The dark side could protect you from all the pain you feel right now. You could just let go – simply give in." He felt her fingers clutch tightly into his skin. "I felt you defeat Tikon, Sakar's legendary apprentice, and I was so very proud of you. The darkside coursed through you, wild and terrible. You could be free like that all the time if you wished."

"Is that what you want for me?" he said, his voice dry and sober.

"It always has been."

"I don't believe you, mother," he said. "I think it's because of who I am that I'm the only thing you've ever loved in your entire life." He felt her stiffen at these words. He cleared his throat and continued: "I never expected you to be willing to sacrifice your life for me."

"You're a fool then," she whispered. "And you are wrong. I loved my father once, long ago."

This caught Ren's attention. His mother had never spoken of her family before. "Who was he?"

"Not a Sith," she said. "He had the gifts all miralukai have, but little more. He was a kindly man – a doctor actually. He loved life in ways I can scarcely imagine now, and he utterly adored me."

"What happened?"

"My master cut his head off," she whispered, her voice carrying very old and very deep anger. "He did it right in front of me. He toyed with my father for a bit first, to build my fear for him, and then he made a quick slice with his lightsaber and changed my entire existence. I was five years old at the time – old enough to remember every detail of the moment. I loved my father far beyond—I'm sure—

anything you've ever felt for me."

"You don't know what I—"

"I do, Ren," she said. "You should have been like a beast after the way I raised you, but you weren't. I've always felt your affection for me and I've always tried to drive it out."