The Fallen :: Larry Stylinson

o n e .

My hot tea steams as I sit on the black, leather couch in my home. The sun is peeking through the windows as it rises slowly. It's quite peaceful really, the morning is my favorite time of day. My mind shifts to the endless things going on in my life, it's almost unbearably overwhelming. My mother's wedding is soon and we're going through tons of preparations for it. There's wedding things lying around everywhere, and papers scattered along any flat surface. Also, my finances. I have plenty of money, but I need to develop a plan for all of it. Last but not least, Louis.

The predicaments that go along with put relationship are unimaginable to most people. It seems as if the concept of love has earned a 'normal' cover of itself. When love isn't 'normal,' it's not accepted into society.

One word.

Hate.

The hate that bisexuals, homosexuals, and transgenders receive is completely unnecessary. Love is love. When you can't love the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, it really breaks you down. You want to hold their hand, you want to hug them, you want to kiss them, and you want to marry them so that you can say that their yours each and every day of your life. You have to cover it up. You have to pretend like that person is your friend and nothing more. You have to live your life 'normally.'

Maybe that isn't what I want to do.

Maybe I want to be with Louis.

But no, we are forced to stay silent. We've done it for years, and it's tearing us apart. The countless hours I've spent alone and heartbroken are all because of the reason of not being able to love him when I need him most. Our silence is filled with such cruel lies. The only way we can tell our story is by the ink spread across our bodies. No one seems to notice, but we do, and that all that truly matters. All I can do is say that these arms are made for holding him. He's all I want, so much it's hurting. Why does love have to be so hard? Truth be told, no one said it was easy, but no one said it was difficult. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't want to fight anymore. He seems to be giving up.

The pain of trying to be with him is striking.

He always seems to make me smile and laugh no matter how I'm feeling or what has happened. He's someone I can be goofy with in the most inappropriate situations. Other than his amazing sense of humor, he's a very well rounded boy. He's very talented, charming, and loving. Very rarely we get to spend time with each other, and we get to be alone. When I hold him, I feel like I have my whole world in my hands- because I do.

I feel like I'm losing him.

Any time we're out, it's almost as if I don't exist. Of course, that's how it's supposed to be though.

I don't want it to be that way.

I'm not scared fo say that I need him.

He keeps me strong.

So many years have been wasted trying to escape this. There have been so many years running and running. I don't want to run anymore. I want to break this silence. I want to love Louis in front of everyone so they can see just how special he is to me. I want to run my fingers through him messy hair and kiss his lips.

Right now, silence is all that is existent.