Nothing Left to Lose -MGK fanfic-

Chapter 7- Colson's pov

Tatie had been acting weird lately. Ever since getting her seat in history changed next to Dashaun, she's been so shady around me. One day after school, I decided to try and catch up to her on her skateboard.
"Tatie!" I called after her, skating towards her. "We haven't talked in so long girl."
She stopped skating and picked up her light pink board in her hands. "Uh, yeah...I've just been, you know, busy with other friends and stuff....uh, how about you, anything new in the world of Kellz?"
I don't think she could've been any more obvious if she tried. Tatie didn't want to talk to me and I knew it. I just didn't know why.
"Tatie..." I began, trailing off as I spoke. "Why have you been being so strange lately? We never even talk to each other anymore. It's like all of a sudden the last few weeks I've been invisible to you. What gives?"
"Look, you seem really nice and all Colson, really."
Colson? Since when does she call me by my government name? "But I think we're just so different from each other. I'm just afraid to get involved with a guy who's kinda wild like you, ya know? You go out and you party and have sex with girls you'll never see again, you do drugs-"
"Woah, hold up young lady," I cut in, my hands shriveling up into rage filled fists. "What makes you think I do drugs!"
"That's what Dashaun and everyone else says! And I have no reason why not to believe them, you're one of the most unstable people I've ever met! That would make perfect sense if you did drugs. How about you go get your life together, then we'll talk."
I'd never been so infuriated. My face contorted into an angry grimace. I couldn't hold back anymore. "You're just afraid of commitment!!" I screamed in her face. "What? How does this have anything to do with me?" Tatie questioned.
"You're afraid to get close to me because you're afraid I'll just hurt you like your dad did." I blurted out without thinking. "You shut everyone out because you had a bad relationship with him and probably a lot of other people along the road. And now you're just scared to allow anyone past those brick walls you build up because you think everyone is dangerous to you. You really believe that I'm fucked up just because some asshole said so? That's ridiculous Tatie. But of course, the second you though there was a slight chance that I might be the kind of person that will hurt you, you instantly assumed that I'm terrible. Well guess what? If that's the way you're gonna be, then I don't need you. Screw you Tatie Rose Lawrence. I think we both know who the REAL shit is here."
With that, I jumped on my board and rode away quickly, my face still hot with anger. In fact I rode all the way to the alleyway on 8th street; the alleyway where all the dealers hang around.
"You got the stuff!??" I demandingly asked my guy, Big Brian, grabbing him by his shirt.
"As long as you got the cash, man."
I paid him quickly and grabbed the needle with haste. My body slid down the brick wall I leaned against until my body touched the ground. I pulled the belt off from the loops of my dark wash jeans and tied it around the top of my arm up. Once I saw a vein starting to show, I knew that meant it was time- I shoved the needle in, and felt nothing but relief for a few seconds. Then, I felt nothing but guilt.
All I could manage to whisper to myself was, "She was right. I am messed up."