Your feet are screaming, your back is starting to ache, and even though you just ate two hours ago, you are famished. You and Amy had been shopping for a while, finding almost an entire maternity wardrobe for you in one afternoon. You finally gave in and begged Amy to take a snack break with you, not much later you found yourselves munching on pretzels and pizza in the food court.
"You know what I'm going to ask." She starts, nibbling her pizza crust,
"Amy, I don't remember anything. I'd tell you if I did."
"You sure about that?"
You just stare at her.
"The whole night is blacked out?"
"Well... Not 'blacked out' technically..." As soon as you voice the confession, you know you'll regret it because of how Amy's eyes widen,
"This is what I want." She bounces, leaning toward you over the table, "What do you remember?"
You avoid her eyes, trying to divert her attention to any of the distractions in the noisy food court. The homeless man asleep at one of the tables, the two coworkers in the Panda Express who have been pulling pranks on each other with growing creativity, and the couple in the corner who is obviously not afraid of PDA. You finally give up, knowing that Amy will get what she's looking for one way or another,
"Just... Feelings... Motions... That kind of thing."
"Oooh... Motions, huh? Good ones, I take it?"
"You're impossible."
"And you're a little liar, all that 'I blacked it out. I don't remember!' Stuff."
"I really didn't. The more time that's gone by, the more scraps have come back to me, but I wasn't lying... Okay maybe a little bit. Because I really don't want to talk about it."
"Come on, now! You had to know this was coming. If you don't want to give me real details just... Make something up. Let me live vicariously."
"Really?" You laugh, "What does George think about you talking like this?"
"Aw, he doesn't mind, I don't mean anything by it. Sebastian is incredibly handsome, an absolute sweetheart as far as I've seen, and a hugely talented actor."
"And George?"
"Is the absolute love of my life." She answers, leaning her chin on her hand, her eyes shining, looking every bit the hopeless romantic.
"Fair enough," you chuckle, "What do you want me to make up?" She immediately perks up,
"I dunno... Was he gentle? Was he rough? Was he the one in control?"
"Aw geez..." You cover your reddened face,
"You knew I would go there."
"And you know I've never liked talking like this."
"Aw, it was that bad, huh?"
"No! Not bad, just... I don't know, just not bad."
Amy snorts at your pathetic dodge,
"Well, in my head..." She begins, "He took charge, was kinda rough, not afraid to bite--"
"He wasn't..." You surprise both of you when you cut her off, "Rough, I mean. He was... Sweet."
"... And?" She prompts, her eyebrows raising slowly,
"I don't know... I remember dancing at the party... Then someone dancing with me. Then we weren't exactly dancing, and there's not really anything in between. Don't even know how we got to his place."
"And the not-exactly-dancing after you got to his place?"
She catches how your blush deepens and she gasps slightly, "You do remember something."
"Barely." You concede quietly,
"But you still remember. You said he was sweet. How so?"
You wish for a moment you could backpedal, never being one who was comfortable with this type of girl-talk, but you give in quickly,
"I remember... feeling him hold me. Combing his fingers through my hair.
He kind of took charge but wasn't pushy... The parts I remember were gentle. Not slow or sappy or anything just..."
"Amazing?"
You blush again, picking at the last few pieces of your pretzel, mentally kicking yourself for feeling like such a school girl.
"Wow." She breathes, her tone making you look up, she's looking at you like something just occurred to her, "When did you fall for him?"
You splutter, nearly choking on your food,
"What are you talking about?"
"You're kidding, right? George wanted to set you two up for a reason. Yeah, his timing may have been a little off, but I think you're finally starting to see that you two are perfect together."
You fidget slightly, playing with your straw,
"Something happened that you're not telling me..." She says as she watches you, "Did you sleep together again?"
"Amy, we live together, we share a bed every night." She sends you an unamused look,
"I can be lewd if you want--"
"No! No, we haven't, it was only the one time. And no, please don't."
"Then what was it?"
"Well... The other night, we were talking about nursery plans and meeting up with his mom for lunch today..."
"...you're killing me here, just spit it out."
"I kissed him."
"You kissed? You, specifically, kissed him?"
"Yes."
She nearly squeals in excitement,
"And why would you do a thing like that?"
"Don't look so smug. He had just--"
"Just what?"
"I think he told me he loves me."
You let the story tumble out, all the details, trying to prevent Amy having too much of a fit,
"So you're together now?"
You grimace in answer to the question everyone keeps asking of you and Seb,
"What is wrong with you two?"
"Amy, give me a break, I know he thinks he loves me now, but what happens when baby fever wears off? Every time I let my mind go there, think maybe we could be together, maybe there can be a happy ending this time, I see him leaving. I can't go through that again."
"So this whole puppy-love thing, always talking about you, always texting, wanting you around, that all happened after you found out you're pregnant? You didn't go on a date before that? You didn't get close as friends beforehand?" The sarcasm may be warranted, but your mood is slowly souring. The memories of all your nasty break ups and rebound mistakes weigh on your shoulders, tarnishing your view of your relationship. "He's different, girl. You know it. He feels different."
"But what if--"
"No."
"But he might--"
"No." She insists, "You're not allowed to overthink this. What if you get that happy ending? He might love you more in forty years than you could imagine now. And if you decide it's not worth the risk, you will regret it. Because he isn't like the last ones. He isn't abusive, he isn't manipulative, and he isn't going anywhere."
"Easy for you to say." You chuckle, uncomfortably, ready to change the subject, "You have George."
"You're right." She says oddly, almost too chipper, "I do have George." She drags her necklace chain out from under her shirt, winding it over her chin, an action you'd seen from her hundreds of times in the past so you think nothing of it, until the charm sparkles brightly, catching the sun from the skylights above you,
"No." You gasp in surprise. She nods, unable to suppress her smile any longer. You jump up, pulling her to her feet to hug her, "I want to see!"
She unhooks the chain, slipping the engagement ring back onto her finger,
"Didn't want to tip you off until I was ready to tell you."
You fawn over the stunning ring, impressed by George's pick. The look on Amy's face, the way she began talking about her and George's plans for the wedding and beyond made your heart clench slightly. There was one name that ran through your head, one face ever present in your mind at the talk of deciding to keep an apartment in the city or finding a house in the suburbs, what colors to paint the living room, when to settle down, and how many kids may be in your future.
Despite the flicker of fear weighing the pit of your stomach, the prospect of having even one part of that with Sebastian made your heart fly.
"We're thinking May or June. George already has a contract for a project this fall and another coming up late winter. I was hoping that, since by then this little one will be here... You would like to be my maid of honor."
Following some more excited squealing, some of which garnering mildly perturbed looks from bystanders, and accepting your maid of honor title, the two of you continue shopping, though your goals shift slightly as you find yourselves in a few bridal boutiques.
Amy chatters about her favorite cuts, asking your opinion on lace or satin trims, almost coaxing you into trying on a few gowns yourself. One look in the mirror at how tight your t-shirt has become has you convinced, a wedding dress showcasing your baby bump would not do any favors for your self esteem.
"As soon as that kid makes an appearance, I expect another girls' day out just like this one." She teases as the two of you finally call it a day, you respond with a smile,
"Maybe."
