Holding Me Back

Chapter 7

"Nick?" I choke out, my back against the locker, with electric heat rushing throughout my body.

"Yeah," He says sheepishly, jams him thumbs into his pockets, and his cheeks flush a slight shade of crimson.

"I thought you didn't like me anymore. Why the change of heart," I state coolly, even though my heart is beating a million times a minute.

"Well," he scratches his head, "I didn't like you when I told you that in middle school. And then this year, I started noticing you more and well, started to like you again."

"Yeah, uh huh. Sure," I say slowly, still unconvinced, "It's a double date, so you thought, 'why not grab the first thing that would say yes to me?' Well I'm not that dumb. We're both in AP math, not just you."

"Actually, I set up the double date so that if I'm do something wrong I have my friend to back me up." Nick points out

"Oh," this time it's my turn to blush.

"Yeah," Nick drones out the "ea" part of yeah, "Is it a yes?" he asks me.

My instincts say yes, but we all know how much my instincts suck. I guess he was always in a tiny room in my heart. But that small part of me wants to say no, I mean I don't want to be torn apart again by him. This kind of arguing goes on inside of me for some time. He's a good kid though, Nick is a family guy, caring, sympathetic, athletic, and funny. I don't wanna be hurt again though. Rambling happens often in my head, thank you so much OCD (note that sarcasm if you couldn't pick it up).

"Sure," the words leave my mouth before I can think anything over again.

"Great," Nick smiles and gives me the most awkward hug I've ever been in.

I push that fake smile onto my face and hope that we're going anywhere BUT a restaurant. Nick gives me one more thumbs up and a grin before he skips away, and I can see him pump his fists in the air (because he's happy I said yes) right prior to turning the corner. Once he's out of sight, I return to my normal disposition.

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Saturday morning I wake up bright and early, 4:30 AM if I'm going to be exact. Thank you so much swim meets *eye roll*. I roll off of my bed and onto the ground, sheets wrapped around me like a burrito or a taco. After grumbling and piling the sheets back onto my bed, I quickly change into my swim stuff consisting of my team's suit, flannel pants, and my swim parka. I grab my bag that was packed yesterday, and grab a breakfast bar that I'm going to "eat" when I get there.

My family gets into the car, and we drive for an hour to get to the meet, which is a pretty close one. When I get there, I greet my swim friends, who are amazing friends if we're gonna be honest. They understand the struggles of being an ultra-competitive swimmer and having no real social life. 

After the big bear hug, we flip on our caps and goggles and jump into pool for first warm-up. We swim for 45 minutes, doing easy workouts like a 350 swim free for warm-up. Warm-ups are the worst part of a swim meet in my mind. There's another warm-up and a third one, so my friends and I wait for an hour and a half for our first events, and for most of us that being the 50 free. 50 free is the only 50 we can swim at our age, so I take a lot of pride in my 24.26 time and having the fastest time in the county for girls, and third in the county overall. 

When I take a glance in the stands, I see Riley, waving her hands in the air, with a warm cup of coffee nestled next to her. I wave back, and smile on the inside. True friends are bound to show up at at least one of your meets. This being Riley's fifth meet. After a very short hour and a half with my swim friends, we all get ready because our event is coming up soon. My knee-skin team swim suit doesn't bother me at this rate, along with my other friends. I get my cap and goggles on tight, and walk over with all my buddies. 

Being in the last heat is a real honor. You're the last and fastest heat, which really brings a real smile onto my face when I am the last heat. The heats fly by, since it's only a 50, and before I know it, it's the 13th heat. I suction my goggles extremely tight onto my eyes and take my stance on the block. I leap off with great force and do my breakout and reach the surface. I kick my legs up and down at a fast pace and move my arms at a tempo. After my flipturn, I'm like a rocket off of the wall and begin my strokes again. I hit the wall hard and immediately look up at the scoreboard.

Damn it. I'm 2nd overall in the entire event itself, with a time of 24.63. Slower than my best, and I only got second overall. My coach and teammates high five me, even though I'm not so impressed with my time. When I reach for my phone Riley texted me, asking me how I did. I tell her my time and that it's not my best and I only got 2nd. She texts back, surprised and tells me that I did amazing. 

I tell her thanks, even though I'm thinking something else. You would think that since she's my best friend she would know that I put an immense amount of pressure on myself, more than everyone in the world combined, but I guess she forgot that. Along with that, I'm honest in a brutal way sometimes and I really can't help it. I saw a shrink (psychiatrist) back in 7th grade, but I'm all good now. Just kidding, I'm not entirely "all good" now exactly (or even close but here's when lying can be useful), you should what I mean by that by now. But I have gotten slightly better than how I was in 7th grade. My OCD isn't as bad, but it's still there. My depression used to be worse, now I'm still depressed but not as depressed as I was before I guess you could say (I'm still a pretty depressed person from what you can tell, so picture how bad it was for me in middle school. I know, yikes).

I tuck my phone away and slip on my towel pants and join my swim friends. Kristen smiles widely at me and wraps her arm around my shoulder. I'm faster than her by just a tad, but even though all of my swim friends are like my other best friends, Kristen is my number one best friend out of all of my swim friends. She knows how to bring a genuine smile onto my face. 

I do a few more events, including 200 fly where I place first overall (and beat my best time, so I guess I'm satisfied) and 200 IM where I placed 2nd again, but beat my time by a close 4 hundredths of a second. Not too bad. 

Now up the 200 Medley relay. Kristen is doing back, Annie (another friend of mine on the swim team) is doing breaststroke, I'm doing fly, and Hailey (another good friend) is doing freestyle. We are the four fastest female swimmers on the team. 

Kristen arches her hips off the bar and does backstroke. Annie is done with her breaststroke before I know it once again. I dive off the block and begin my butterfly motion. One pull. Two kicks. One pull. Two kicks. Again and again. I do a two hand touch after my 50 and Hailey swims. She does a blistering 25.37 and we win the relay. A pretty good day I guess for me meet wise.

I hug all my swim friends goodbye, and tell them I'll see them tomorrow. Swim meets are two days, and you are expected to make both unless you have a real valid reason. Basically if you miss a swim meet because you're hanging out with friends, be prepared to have your head ripped off by your coach. Anyways, I can't wait to come back tomorrow morning, even though swim meets are like 4 hours, they are fun. Plus, who doesn't like seeing friends who understand you completely?