The Unnamable Bond (On Hold)

An heartbreak episode

Oh my god! What have I got myself into? I just can't live without thinking about her even for a minute. She has filled each and every moment of my life. She is the constant source of my happiness. Why am I so much in love with her when she is already committed to Manohar? Why did I fall for her in the first place? Now, I cannot even give a legal name to our relationship. I cannot consider us as friends. That would be like demeaning my very own feelings for her. She is more than a friend. Yet I cannot term her as my lover. She is already someone else's. But I do love her. Love her beyond anything in this world. Why did God make me love her particularly? Why did he make me meet her? I am ruined. Unrequited love is the most painful thing that can happen to any man in the world. I never dreamt that I would be in this situation with my first love. And my feelings for her are growing with each passing day. I am also dropping subtle hints for her to know that I love her. I don't know whether she understands them. I cannot let her get married without revealing my true feelings for her. She should somehow know that I am in love with her. That I will always love her, even if I get married to someone else, bear kids and lead a happy life.

Adhitya wrote those down in a notebook sheet and treasured it inside a larger notebook. He had no practice of keeping a journal or diary for his feelings. Yet he felt the urgent need to scribble them down and relieve himself. He secretly wished that Aishwarya would discover the paper and get to know about his feelings for her. He was reticent to admit it directly to her. He was also afraid that he might lose her as a good friend. Even if he cannot get to marry her, he can stay happy with her being as a close friend to him.

"Anna, I need to speak something to you." Shobana's shrilly voice brought him back to senses.

"What, Shobi?" he asked concernedly.

"I might sound personal. But I need to clarify with you."

"Come on! Ask soon."

"Do you like Suganya?"

"Should I surely answer this question?" he asked grimly.

"Yes, you should."

"Of course, I like her, but in a platonic way."

"Aiyo, I didn't mean that. Would you like to get married to her? That day we overheard our parents' conversation. What do you think about it?"

"Is this too important now?"

"Yes, it is, for me. I am bonding with her considering her as my future sister-in-law. So, give me assurance that you'd marry her. Otherwise I'll reduce my talks with her."

"I cannot give any assurance that I'd marry her and I can neither say that I wouldn't marry her. So please don't indulge with her too much or too less. And stop considering her as your sister-in-law. You've many other things to do in life. Why do you bother about all these? Go and do your work." Adhitya chased her away.

"Wait a minute, Anna. I have a few words about her. She is actually very good in character. She would be the perfect wife for you. Do consider her."

"That's my problem. Don't try to brainwash me into marrying her. And also, I have seven or eight more years to decide. You'd get married before me. So don't worry about all these things."

"Okay." She moved out of his room.

'Mch! Why is this Shobana troubling me? I am madly in love with Aishwarya. I cannot even think about any other girl in my life. If I should marry Suganya, then I must have enough time to forget Aishwarya and move on.'

*****

January 6th, Friday, 1984. Aishwarya was told to take a leave to office. Her mom said that she had a surprise in store for her. She wondered what it might be. She was also terribly worried that she could not tell Adhitya about her absence. She bathed soon, excused herself and rushed to the telegram office to send a telegram to him. A sense of satisfaction bowled her over. Then she hurried to her home. And there was the shock of her life. Manohar and his parents welcomed her!