Love You Goodbye

Chapter Four

Nicholas's POV
By the time I got to Dublin I was furious. I called Luke to tell him I wanted to postpone our dinner plans. He of course obliged, saying he'd see me in the morning. I drove straight to the O2. It'd been years since I'd been to an Elise Austin concert but I figured I'd try to get backstage.
"Name?" The security guard asked.
"James." I responded; just like I used to.
The guard nodded and moved aside. Guessing by the volume of the crowd, she was about done. I spent many nights backstage while she performed. I had her schedule down before she did.
I carefully weaved in and out of the crew that was always rushing around. I checked each door and kept going until I found it.
After
Elise always went in here directly after a show to change back into street clothes before heading out to the bus. This is where I would meet her; every night.
I sat down in the large black chair. A chair that had been the place of many crying and homework sessions as the both of us balanced celebrity life and reality. It also had memories of many kisses from the short time when El had feelings for me.
Suddenly, the door opened and I was snapped back to reality.
Elise giggled and was yelling something at someone as she walked in. Turning around to where I was, she gasped. "Nicholas."
I stood. She closed the door behind her and stared at me.
"What are you doing here? How did you get back here?"
"You never took me off your list, El."
She sighed and ran to me. I opened my arms and wrapped them around her as she slammed into my chest. She sobbed quietly. El carefully pushed us down into the chair and I held her as she rambled.
"Nicky, I know I shouldn't be crying. I know I did wrong. But you have to give me another chance. I'm trying so hard to make up for the mistakes I made as a kid. I'm older and more mature and I've got a new baby on the way. I just want to make right with Addie. Please forgive me."
"I can't forgive you that easily, El. I've struggled for almost four years on my own. You know my parents never bought anything for Addie after she turned six months? I had to get a part-time job just to make sure our daughter had a clean diaper and food in her stomach. You were having everything handed to you as your daughter struggled every single day because her very single father didn't have the resources to supply a good home and life for her. I gave you chances to prove yourself, Elise. You didn't pass either time. Being a good parent starts with love and affection for your child. And then making sure that they feel safe and feel the love you're giving to them. A baby will let you know how you're doing. If Addie would smile or laugh just once a day, I knew I was doing alright. But El, I so badly wanted you to be able to feel that."
"Why are you here? Because if you're here to yell at me some more, then I suggest you leave."
"I'm not here to yell. I came here because I needed to see your face when I told you that I don't love you anymore and that I can't accept your apologies anymore. I entrusted you with the single most important thing in my life and you let me down. I'm done loving you, El."
She stood and looked down at me. She held her hands out, "Give me your hands, Nicholas."
I put my hands in hers. She flipped them and placed them on her stomach. I cringed as I felt what she was feeling. The baby inside her was kicking, hard.
"Do you remember when I was pregnant with Addie and I freaked out the first time she kicked?"
I nodded.
"Do you remember what you told me?"
"I told you that you'd never feel anything more amazing than that feeling."
"That's right, and guess what. You're right. I've waited four years to feel this again because I know that for you, you've felt more. You've felt the love of a child who has nothing else to love but you. I gave you that. Doesn't it make sense to let me have that?"
"Of course it does. But not from a child that you've abused, El. Addie has me, and my parents, my family, her Uncle Luke, her Uncle Cade and her Uncle Ed to love and care for her. And she loves and cares for us, back. She's four years old, El! She's running around the house yelling all the time and I'm running right behind her. She made me live again! I'm so happy for you that you have this second chance to be a mother. But that doesn't mean you deserve to have that first chance back. You gave up on that over four years ago when you walked into my bedroom with a box of pregnancy and baby books and told me you wanted me to have your baby. You gave her up in that moment because someone had told you that she would ruin your life. If that's how you felt, then why did that change all of a sudden? How is this baby any different than Addison?"
"Because I'm in a relationship with someone who wants this with me. Samuel wants kids and I can give him that. It only took us two months to get pregnant, Nicholas."
"You had a relationship waiting for you though. El! I was there every single day! You slept beside me every single night and I would hold you and for eight hours, I could believe that you felt even an ounce of the same love that I had for you. Do you remember the things we would do in this very chair? For six months, we would kiss and feel each other up because we were in love. If I remember correctly, you had your first orgasm in this chair. You think I did that for fun? No! I loved you! And I was in love with you for years! But I can't keep living like this!"
"Nicholas-"
"I'm done, Elise. You have a new life to live and Addison and I can't be a part of it." I stood and walked toward the door. When I reached it, I stopped and turned to face her. "I wish you all the best in your life. I always have and I always will." I turned to leave.
"Nicholas, wait!"
I stopped but didn't face her.
"Is there someone else? Just tell me that."
"Yes, and her name is Addison. She's almost four years old and she stole my heart long before she was even born."
I opened the door and left. I quickly left the arena and found my car.

An hour later there was a knock on my flat door. I got up and opened it.
"El?"
Elise stormed past me into the room.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as I closed the door.
"You can't just show up to my concert and ambush me with all of that, Nicholas!"
"Um, I think I had to because yelling at each other over the phone was solving nothing!"
"You can't just talk about all of those feelings and memories and think it won't affect me!"
"Well I didn't think it would make any difference since you have mister high and mighty Samuel Hughes as your new baby daddy!"
She glared at me.
"Whom by the way is joining his company with mine if you didn't know." I added.
She rolled her eyes, "So not the point, Nicholas."
"Then what is the point?"
"I love you."
I laughed, "No you don't. If you did you wouldn't have left me four years ago."
"I didn't know that I loved you then, but after remembering all the things we did and said, I know now."
"Well you're too late, El. I can't love you anymore."
She walked toward me as I backed up, hitting the door.
"I think you could."
"Are you drunk?"
"No."
"Have you been drinking?"
"No. I'm pregnant, why would I do that?"
"I don't know. Are you high?"
"No! Would you stop assuming something is wrong with me?"
I shrugged, "Well I'm curious as to why you're at my flat when I'm sure Samuel is probably wondering where you are."
Her arms wrapped around my waist. "Please, Nicholas."
"Please what? I can't give you anything."
"I love you and I want you back. You and Addie."
I pushed her back carefully, "Whoa, okay! If this is some plot to get close to Addie, then I'm not falling for it."
She huffed, "It's not, Nic! Jesus! Can't you see that I love you?"
"No! I can't El! Not lately anyway!"
"You said so yourself that you did those things in the past because you loved me. And then you basically admitted that you still loved me but you just can't fight with me anymore. You don't have to if you let me back in."
I shook my head, "I can't El."
"Please, Nic."
She got closer and held me again. Her eyes met mine and I searched them for an ounce of trust.
"El, I can't."
"Yes, you can."
"I can't."
Suddenly, her lips were on mine and my heart was beating out of my chest. It'd been too long since I'd felt this and I couldn't even figure out how it was happening. All I know is that I'm kissing the girl I first loved and I never wanted to stop.
Her arms wrapped around my neck and mine were around her waist. I moved my hands to her thighs and she jumped up. I walked up back to the bed where I carefully laid her down, my lips never leaving hers. I kissed her and my hands roamed her body, feeling every curve and dimple. I kissed her neck, leaving small little spots every where. It felt just like our night in the tree house four and a half years ago.
"God, El. What are you doing to me?"
"I love you, Nicky."
I didn't respond. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I didn't want to stop.
"Let me love you one last time, Nicky. Please."
I kept kissing her neck and her chest, but I didn't respond. I knew I couldn't go through with it. I just wasn't ready to let her go quite yet.
"Please." She whined.
God she knew my weaknesses. Her hands were moving across my back under my shirt and she was squirming under my touch.
"Nic, please. I know you want me one last time. I promise I won't bother you anymore. Please."
"God, I can't." I pushed myself up off the bed. "I can't do this, Elise. I'm sorry, but you should go."
There was a knock on the door again. I looked back at Elise. "Did anyone know you were coming here?" I whispered.
She shook her head.
I got close to her and kneeled down. The knocking continued. I helped fix her hair and her shirt. "Go stand behind the bathroom door, okay?"
She nodded.
Once she was out of sight I walked to the door and peeked through the hole. "Who is it?" I asked.
"Samuel Hughes. I'm looking for my fiancé. Elise Austin."
"One minute." I responded. I walked into the bathroom and looked at El. "Fiancé?" I
whisper-yelled. "Really?"
"Yeah, it happened tonight. But what'd you want me to say? Oh, gee, I think my ex best friend is still in love with me so no, sorry!?"
"Well, maybe! He's such a tool!"
"Is not!"
"So is! Wait here!"
I turned the light off again and then opened the door to my hotel room.
"Hello. Nicholas James. Nice to meet you."
Samuel scrunched his face up, "Nicholas James as in Luke Pike's assistant president?"
"That'd be me. What can I do for you?"
"You can tell me where my fiancé is. That'd be helpful."
I shook my head, "She's not here. She was, but then she left. She said she needed some air before she went back to your hotel."
"But she was here?"
I nodded.
"What'd she come here for anyhow?"
"I don't feel comfortable talking about that with you. You should ask her when you see her. "
"Okay, whatever." He left and I closed the door.
El came out from the bathroom. "Did he leave?" she whispered.
"Yeah."