Freshman Year

Dirty Little Secret

Cari's POV

I stood in front of Phoenix's door for a few more moments, trying to process what I had just found out. How on Earth could Phoenix like me?! I always thought that if Phoenix liked anyone, it would be Maya. I mean, she's the one who he hangs out with all of the time! I was standing in front of the door in the middle of a thought when I heard footsteps approaching the door. SHIT! I have to hide! I had to at least make it seem as if I had just gotten there. I decided to just act natural. I put my hand out, as if I was just about to knock on the door, when Maya swung the door open. " Good morning, love." She said. "Morning." I replied. I hadn't noticed that Phoenix was right behind her until he uttered a quiet hello. " Hey Phoenix." I replied. " Did you need something?" He asked, standing in the doorway in front of me. Maya didn't want to stand and listen to our conversation, so she went back in the direction of her and Griffin's room. " I'll talk to you later", she shouted out to Phoenix as she left. " Cari? Did you need something?" Phoenix asked again. I hadn't been paying much attention when he asked the first time. "Oh, no. I was looking for Maya, but thanks for asking." I said, trying to keep as calm as possible. I couldn't let him know that I knew his secret. " Okay. Well I guess you found her. I'll catch you two later. It's early. You guys know that I usually don't roll out of bed until at least 1 during vacation." He said, stepping back into the room, and closing the door behind him. I had to talk to Maya about what I had just heard. Hopefully she hadn't gone back to sleep as well. 

I walked down the hall and when I got to Maya and Griffin's room, the door was wide open and Maya was playing on her phone. " Can I talk to you?" I asked her. She nodded, since she was clearly in the zone. I couldn't tell if she was playing a word game or texting. " What are you doing?" I asked. "Chatting." She answered. " With?" I asked. " This random girl. I don't know how she got my kik, but she's actually really pretty." She replied. Did I hear her correctly? Did she just say that another girl was really pretty? I mean, Maya can't possibly be gay. She's dating Griffin... " Did you just say that she was really pretty?" I asked, just to make sure. She nodded. I didn't reply. "What? Didn't I tell you?" She asked. " Tell me what?" I asked. " I'm bisexual... And I always have been." She said. I had to admit that I was actually very surprised. Maya knows that being bisexual is forbidden; it's a sin, and sinning results in going to hell. " But, you're Christian..." I said, my voice trailing off. "Not necessarily." She said. " What is that supposed to mean?" I asked. " Well, I've never really actually understood the whole religion thing, and if God loves all of his children, why the homosexual ones automatically go to hell. I mean, it just doesn't make sense, Care." She explained. " Do not question the Lord, Maya. He has his reasons. You know the saying." I warned her. " Deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you in front of my father. Matthew 10:32-33. Of course I know it. Before you say anything else, I don't even know if I'm atheist or not. For all I know, I could just be going through a rebellious phase and I just don't know it yet." She tried to explain. " Whatever. But you still know that homosexuality results in going to hell. Bisexuality is just as bad, and you know I don't support it." I said, trying to be as delicate as possible. " Are you saying that you don't like me anymore?" She asked. What in the world was she talking about? How did she get that from me simply telling her that it was forbidden? She already knew it. " I didn't say that." I replied. "Well it sounded like you were. Do you not support me because of my sexuality?" She said. The last sentence rang through my head like a siren. What was she trying to say? " Are you trying to imply something?" It was unintended, but I yelled it at her. " No. I was trying to figure out what you meant. Am I not your friend anymore because of that one thing?" She asked. " I didn't say that. I like you, but I don't support your decision. It's a part of my religion, and you knew that already." I said. " You know what? I'm tired of talking about religion right now. I'm tired of everyone pouncing on me lately. First Kathryn, now you? Who the hell can I trust Cari? I thought that you would at least still be here for me!" She yelled, as tears began forming in her eyes. " What are you talking about? I'm right here where I always have been! If anybody is pouncing on anyone, it's you. You're accusing me of being a homophobic when I'm not. I can't help it if that's against my religion, honey. That's your problem. Not mine." I explained. "That's it. I'm done talking. The only person I can trust is myself, and you just proved it. You basically just called me the f---ing Anti-Christ. Thanks a lot. Bye." She said, shooing me out of the room. " I didn't mean for it to come out that harsh, Maya. Do you think that I would hurt you on purpose?" I asked, as she slammed the door behind me. Just great. Now she's pissed at me. But you know what? I'm not going to let her ruin my time. I'll just give her some time to cool down. The only bad thing was that now I didn't know whether or not Maya would come back around. I really hope that my mouth didn't just cost me a friend.  Since I had absolutely nobody to talk to about Phoenix being in love with me,I went back to Chimera and I's room and played with my phone. 

Maya's POV

Honestly, I was really pissed at Cari. I specifically told her that I was going through something, and yet she chooses to use the Bible against me. Just great. I know that Cari is strictly religious and all, but the situation could've been handled a lot better than it was. Sure, me being bisexual and leaning towards atheism is a lot to take in, but she didn't have to react in the way that she did. She scolded me like I was a little kid. I just don't know what to do anymore. At least I've got an idea of who my real friends are. Phoenix didn't care when I told him. He even asked me who I liked. I just said that I thought that my adopted sister, Kathryn was pretty, and he almost killed me because he's been in love with her for four years! And then Chimera and Griffin just didn't care. They love me regardless. Why can't Cari get over this? Why is it that I'm always the one getting hurt? Everything is fine until I want something good for myself. At that, I went and lied down in the bed. I was too upset to do anything. I had never been so upset in my entire life. I desperately wanted to talk to Cari, but she was mad at me. I might have said a few things that I didn't mean, but I guess this is what happens when you've got a big mouth. I was just really depressed. You've had a pretty good run, sweetheart. Maybe it's time to just put yourself out of your own misery. I rolled over so that I was facing the dresser. That's when I saw a katana hanging over the mirror. That was my escape. I needed just one quick slice, and it'd be done. I got out of bed and strolled over to the dresser. Just my luck... Being short sure does have it's disadvantages. I couldn't reach it. I was on my toes trying to grab it when I heard the door open. " Hey Maya. We're ba.... What are you doing?" Griffin asked when he saw me. " Nothing. Just stretching... Using some of the furniture to help me stretch certain stubborn muscles. Why?" I asked, trying to be calm. Only God knew how much I hated lying to Griffin. I hated it more than I hated Justin Bieber. Now that's saying something. " Uh huh... Sure. It looks like you're trying to reach for that katana. Can I ask why?" He asked. " No reason." I replied. Damn it. Just blew my cover. " What happened to stretching?" He asked, laughing. I didn't even reply. I just looked at him and tried to smile, but my heart hurt too much to even attempt cracking one. Griffin could see this. If Griffin had one specialty, this would be it. Griffin is a master at noticing even the slightest details, and therefore he can tell when something's wrong no matter how well you hide it. " What's wrong?" He asked. " Nothing. It's just allergies. I'm fine." I said, lying through my teeth. " I know you're lying, so you should just confess now." He said, motioning for me to sit in his lap, on the bed. I turned down his invitation. " Please?" He mouthed. I shook my head. " At least sit next to me." He said. I figured that since he wouldn't stop, I'd sit next to him. As soon as I sat down, he grabbed my hand and held it in his. " Tell me what's wrong, so I can make you feel better." He said, looking straight into my eyes. " It's Cari. While you guys were gone, I told her that I was bisexual, and she thinks that I called her homophobic because she said that she didn't support my decisions. Now, I don't know what to do." I explained. " Listen love, you know that you can't please everyone. Cari's religious, and you know that. Also, she's amazing at letting others know her opinions, even if they hurt. She's just very open. If she hurt you, then you know that she didn't mean it. Now, what were you trying to do with that katana?" He asked. " Let's just say that I was trying relieve myself of this pain, and put myself out of my own misery." I said. " Don't kill yourself. You know that I'd miss you. Hell, everyone would miss you. If you killed yourself, then Phoenix wouldn't last one day on this planet. Then we'd be having two funerals, and that's not a good thing. Now I have to watch you. Come on. We're going downstairs to eat. I know you want something to eat." He said, leading me  to the door. " Actually, I'm not hungry. Food doesn't help me with my emotions." I explained. Obviously, Griffin was determined to get me downstairs anyways, because at that, he picked me up and carried me downstairs. He put me down when we got to the kitchen. As soon as I turned around, she was there. I really didn't want to be down here. " Hi." I said to her. She ignored me. Great. Now she's not talking to me... Whatever. I'll show her that I don't need her! I am kind. I am smart, and damn right, I'm important to somebody in the world! I sat down in a chair next to Griffin and drank a cup of coffee, then I went back upstairs. I was really tired, so I had to go to sleep for a few hours. Griffin had already told me that we weren't going to meet his family after all. Hallelujah! What I really needed to do was figure out how to get back with Cari. She's my best friend, and I need her to stay sane! She's like a sister to me, and I depend on her, no matter how much she teases me.