I'm a Mess Without You

How it Starts

Simply putting it, high school ruined everything for me. It makes my stress levels skyrocket. My once best friends turned into a group of bitches who I can hardly stand anymore. And yet I still hang out with them. Stupid I know, you don't have to tell me twice.

My three years and counting crush has a new girlfriend, practically leaving me in the dust. It's not the first time, and it will most certainly not be the last. Cursing out that godforsaken bastard in my head and to my supposed friends, is one thing. Getting over him, is another. He's what I like to call manipulating. He's controlling me without even talking to me. I mean, granted, we share a few words here and there, but nothing worth fainting about.

And of course we have those fucking conceited upper classmen who think they can do whatever the hell they want to the underclassmen. Specifically the Junior's and Senior's messing around with the Sophomore's (my grade) and, of course, the poor Freshmen. They don't get near as bad as what I've heard about. But it's still horrible to live through. Like being tripped for example, or shoved into the lockers.

My high school is just not my friend. And I highly doubt it ever will be. Like for another example, I have the worst grades possible. I'm just barely passing my French class. I have an F in my Algebra class. But thankfully have a low B in my Biology class and high C in my English class. And as you have probably guessed, my parents aren't one to brag about my grades. Instead, they are the parents that enjoy to tell me that I should be like my older siblings or other people in the school who have straight A's and don't even study. I study my ass off and still fail. It's like I missed the memo to getting good grades in school.

Along with the puberty memo of getting fucking hot. I mean, I look like a goddamn potato compared to the other girls in my grade. They could be fucking super model's for Victoria's Secret Angels and then here I am watching makeup contour video's so I could look better. It's like all the odds are against me in high school. Do I need to confess my sins to my pastor at church or something? I don't understand why I have to suffer while all these other girls can get guys at the drop of a hat. For instance, my friend, sorta, Lily, is fucking gorgeous. She has a boyfriend and god only knows how long it'll be until they break up. But she could get possibly anyone in the school. Who would I get? One of the nerds in the Metal workshop who would think I would look hot in those stupid goggles we have to wear and booty shorts.

You see, my life isn't some fucking joy ride. It's tough and I have to bust my ass to get what I want. I'm lucky I have my IPhone 5s. My parents are somewhat strict compared to my friends parents and it kinda sucks sometimes. I mean, I can't do anything when I'm out with my parents. But my friends parents let them do whatever they want. And sure I mean, letting your kid do whatever they want is all up to they parent their kids. Everyone is different. And I was stuck with strict, overprotective, parents who hardly let me do anything but then wonder why I never to go school events.

If you already haven't noticed, my life is boring as fuck. It's also equivalent to hell. My life is like hell on earth. High school ruined my life and my parents don't let me do anything. So yes, everything in my life is a living hell and I wish I could start over. I wish I could get new parents who don't put me down but rather build up my spirits and better friends who don't make me feel like shit all the time. Telling me that 'I'm a mess" and that I "need to get my life together" and that I "need to figure out what I'm going to do for a living".

Honestly, I don't have the slightest clue to what I want to be or what I want to do when I graduate high school. I feel pressured to figure out what I want to do. But I can't figure it out. I just don't know. And going to college? I doubt I have near enough money to go to college. What would my major even be? What would be my minor? I don't have anything planned for my future. I just haven't put much thought into it. Thinking about college hasn't really worried me this much. But now that I'm a Sophomore in highschool, I feel like I have to figure it out sooner rather than later. I feel that if I don't go off to college right after graduating, my parents are going to kick me out or something. I don't even have job yet. I can't get one until February anyways because that's when I turn sixteen. That's also when I get my learner's permit.

But that's when my parents are going to have to drive around with me so I can get my hours in to get my driver's license. And they're also going to have to drive me back and forth to my job and God knows how thrilled they'll be about that.

I would really just like to have a nice, normal, life like everyone else, but of course that won't happen to little old Sadie Amber Thomas. And that's pretty much how my life turned out to be a disaster.