notes

you

"he wants to say i love you, but keeps it to good night. because love will mean some falling, and she's afraid of heights"

"stop," i muttered under my breath, exhaustion pricking my voice, and pain breaking it.

you didn't, you just kept walking through the god damn rain, and left me there.

"stop, you damn idiot!" i screamed, my voice raw, "just stop!"

you did that time, and turned around slowly.

saying we were soaked was like saying the sun was hot. because your hair was plastered against your face, and my clothes stuck to my skin like glue. and i was so damn cold and tired and pissed off at your dumb self, that i was sure i was going to erupt in a fiery explosion of shivers and goosebumps and angry words.

"what?" you huffed, frustrated and cold and just as upset as me, though you didn't have the right.

"you," taking another step with each word, until i was standing directly in front of you, my finger jabbed into your chest, "are, an, ass."

you didn't say anything, just clenched your jaw a little, and looked down at me, your god damn hair swept in front of your god damn eyes.

"you let your best friend, who has the most tremendous crush on you, in every single time, and leave me out on the street. you don't even love her! you don't! and i'm standing out here in the fucking rain with you, and you won't ever let me in!" i think i started to cry, but the rain hid everything. 

"why won't you just let me in?" i whispered, looking up at you.

you didn't say anything, why couldn't you just fucking talk, say something, anything. i was already breaking, i didn't need more.

"why?" i muttered. "i'm not going to hurt you, i'm not going to betray you, i couldn't do that to you. i love you, for god sakes." my eyes flew down to my feet, and the rain continued to fall. the earth didn't stop spinning, i didn't stop breathing, you didn't turn and run.

i wanted to look you in the eye again, to understand what was running through your mind, but i couldn't bring myself to. so the rain fell, and fell, and if there were walls all around us we would've drowned, and i was surprised i could still see you. because you had one up around you, and water should be up to your ankles.

i didn't need to look you in the eye though, because you tucked your fingers under my chin and raised my face to yours. and then you kissed me.

and it was one of those terribly cliché things that only happen in movies, except it wasn't, because this kiss was our first and our last for a very, very long time. but it was full of all kinds of passion and bubbling anger and confusion and pain and lust and love, and every god damn emotion i had been feeling in the five months of knowing you.

and the rain kept falling, the earth didn't stop spinning, and i only stopped breathing for a couple seconds, but that was okay because you breathed for me.

everything between us, and everything around us, and everything on us, was drenched in water, but it was okay, because we had each other.

for once, we had each other.

and all i had to do was scream at you in the pouring rain, cry for you, in front of you, and tell you that i loved you.

and it was all okay that night, because we had each other. and it was all we needed in that moment.