Esperanza (Hope)

Chapter 7

I laid my diary aside and just stared at the cover. 

The blue ocean was full of strong waves and in the middle of it laid the small ship, Esperanza. 

On the left side, next to the ship I glued a picture from my father on the cover. 

He smiled happily in the camera and his brown grey hairs were still wet from the water of the ocean. 

On the right side I glued an angel who held a sign above his head with the title "Hope". 

I ripped it off and tossed it in the corner, crying. I picked it up again, ripped it to pieces and stomped on the white guardian angel who smiled at me like the world was ok. 

"Where are you god? He's just a kid. How can you even do this to him?" I shouted.

After that I just sat down on the bed for a few minutes, looking nowhere in particular.

My emotions got heightened and it overwhelmed me. 

I ran in the bathroom and shut the door close very loudly. 

I took off my shirt and tossed it to the floor. 

I looked at my defined abs that were cut from all the pain I did to myself and of course all the bruises that mum did to me. 

I stared at my tattoo on my right muscled arm. It was an angel with blonde curls and a sad smile, above the angel was written "Dad" in a curled font. 

Suddenly the door burst open and mum came in. 

She froze in space when she saw me. 

She loooked at the cuts and bruises with an open mouth and finally she whispered "Did I do this?" 

I put my shirt on again as fast as possible, hiding the bruises and scars. 

She slowly went towards the sink and sat down, head in her hands. 

"I'm the worst mother in the world. I promised not to be like my father and now that's exactly who I am", she sobbed. She began to shake slightly. I silently sat next to her and suddenly she started to shake uncontrollably, whispering "I'm sorry" and "I can't do it. I can't go to a withdrawal clinic.

I took her hand slowly and whispered "It's necessary and you know it". That gave her the rest. She stood up again, walking across our little bathroom like a caged lion. 

That is how I felt most of the time. I really wanted to leave the house but I'm caught in my personal cage because I can't leave Luis alone and neither can I leave mum alone. 

I stood up too, carefully hugging her when she suddenly shook again and pushed me away from her. I stumbled and fell on the ground. "This is all your fault. I hate you for making me do this, making me go to a withdrawal clinic", she shouted and slapped me across the face. 

Blood ran out of my nose and dripped on the floor. 

Mum looked shocked about herself and covered her mouth with her hand. Slowly she sank on the floor, tears flooding down her face. I watched her for a minute, a bit pity already swelling up in me. I took one deep breath and left the bathroom.

School was torture the next day. The neighbors obviously found out about mum because everyone was laughing at me. 

"Does your mum have to stop taking drugs now? Poor her", they laughed. Amelie and Hayden even said "No wonder you're a freak with a hoe as a mother!" 

I stood on the floor, trying to think about something else. I slowly walked through the laughing crowd. I slowly raised my head to see Karen, who laughed along with her until she saw that I was looking at her. She immediately stopped laughing.