Closed Doors

4

It's been a few weeks since my incident with Karai. She confessed to believing that Splinter was her father when she called me brother. Razaar gave me the slop and warm water that I've grown accustomed to. Karai never brought me anymore food. I haven't been tortured either. The only thing that's happened is that at sometimes my cell is so hot it is unbearable. At other times, it's freezing and my own sweat and blood freezes to my body in small beads. The ointment Karai had put on my wounds helped. I take the bandage off my arm to reveal a deep, puckered scar.
Ow.
I can still feel the blade slicing through my flesh. The way it almost happened in slow motion. The way it sounded. The sound of metal slicing flesh is a sound that now haunts my dreams. Or nightmares, I should say.
It is an oddly quiet sound. Almost like slowly running your hands across a piece of cardboard, only softer.
I think I may be going insane. Sometimes, when I think, it's like I have a second voice saying something positive. At other times, I think of something hopeful, like my brothers saving me, and the second voice says something negative.
Sometimes, I relive moments with my brothers, especially in dreams. I can recall every time that I've called them names and everytime I went against Leo's authority.
I've began to keep a track on how much I urinate. Do to the lack of water and my severe dehydration, I only urinate about four to five times a week, and what urine I've been able to pass is brown in tint.
I've gained enough strength to carve a little more. I have my name and my brothers' names surrounding the corner where I sleep. On the wall opposite of that, I have carved Splinter and my brothers with almost perfect detail.
I've been here for around three or four months now, I suspect.
Why haven't my brothers come to help me by now?
I hear footsteps. Due to my previous thought, I have the vauge hope thays it could be one of my brothers.
Don't be ridiculous.
Negative.
They aren't coming, ever.
No. You're wrong. They could could for me. They will!
They left you for dead.
I rub my temples as the footsteps come closer and closer.
The voice continues to say hateful things over and over and over again. I fall in my side and plug my ears as I try to keep them from entering me, but it's impossible to run from something inside you.
I can't hear the footsteps now. I just scream at the top of my lungs for the voice to stop, but I can't even hear my own voice. The only thing I can hear is the hateful voice inside of my mind. I can hear it as it curses my brothers and tells me that they want me dead.
I have a sensation of being lifted up, but I can't feel it. It's almost as if I'm in a trance. A war between me and my mind.
Stop. Please stop.
Why? They never cared for you. Just accept it.
They cared for me more than I've cared for them.
Really? Let's remember some things, shall we?
I see Leo. I can't hear his voice, only see him. He looks angry at me.
This is the time that you just wanted to do things your way, and Leonardo yelled at you for it.
Leo was right. My idea was stupid. I should've listened.
Fool! He was power hungry. Wanted to be leader. And it's all Splinter's fault. You should've been leader. You were made for it.
No. I wasn't. I would be a horrible leader. Only looking out for myself and not caring about the team.
Isn't that what he's done to you. Look at you, rotting in this prison.
I'm here because of my own stupidity.
No, Raphael. You're here because of Leonardo. That good for nothing sorry excuse for a leader. He left you.
Even if he did, which he didn't. What about Mikey. My little brother that looks up to me.
Ah, yes. Michelangelo. Sweet child. Always the innocent one. The favored one.
No-
Yes! Every time Michelangelo was in trouble, Splinter came to the rescue. Every time that Michelangelo had a scrape, he was treated as a baby. What about you? Let's remember how you got that crack in your shell.
We were five. Me and my brothers were playing in the sewers. A sewage pipe was falling down and was about to hit Mikey. Before it did, I pushed him out of the way and it hit me instead. After Leo checked to see if Mikey was all right, he helped me. After that, I had my new scar.
Ah, doesn't that being back some good memories? They helped Michelangelo before they helped you. They wanted you dead then.
No. Mikey could've been seriously hurt. They new I was going to be fine.
But what if not? What if you were dead-
I wasn't dead.
What if you were?
Donnie. Donnie was never like that.
Donnetello was alway like that. He was just more discreet in hiding it.
How? Prove it!
I was always the strongest. We were fighting one day, me against Donnie. We were nine. I won again, as I usually do.
"Wow, Raph. I wish I was as strong as you."
"Don't worry brother. You might be. One day."
He was happy for me.
He was jealous of you. He wanted to be the strong one. He wanted to be you. He hates being the intelligent one. He wants to be stronger. Powerful.
Donnie loves being smart!
Donnetello is a liar!
Splinter. My father who loves me.
You were always the least preferred of your brothers. You couldn't be taught. You wanted things your way.
That's the mind of a stubborn child. I should've learned then.
That's the mind of a powerful leader, Raphael.
Why are you doing this?
Because you are living in the past. You need to break free from your brothers bondage over you. Learn to love your new home. You have every right to hate them.
No I don't!
Yes you do.
You're just a voice inside my head!
HA HA HA! Raphael, there is so much you don't know about me,
Like what?
Like I'm you.
~~~~~
"Raphael. Raphael. Wake up." I open my eyes. I feel like I've just climbed out of mud, heavy and worn down.
It's Karai and I'm in my cell.
"Hello. Oh. Don't give up on me. Stockman gave you an IV. He said that you were just severely dehydrated."
I finally gain full consciousness. I realise that I have my head in Karai's lap, and she has food and water beside her. I try to sit up, but it's hard. She helps me and hands me the water.
"What happened?" I ask.
"Bradford found you lying in the middle of the floor screaming and holding your head. He took you to Stockman. Stockman said that you were in shock and that's why you were screaming. You were going to die. They saved you."
"I wish they would have let me die."
She pushes me the food and I eat. Its the same as last time. Bread, cheese, and steak.
I finish as we sit in silence. I hand her the empty cup and tray.
"Thank you." I say.
She gathers the things and heads out of my cell.
"Those are good, by the way." she say.
"What?"
"The carvings." she points to my brothers and Sensei on the wall.
"Thanks." I say. She walks out of my cell and closes the door, locking it behind her.
I'm alone. I have a piece of tape where the IV needle had gone into my vein.
The voice returns.
Brothers?
No. Not anymore.
▶◀▶◀▶◀▶◀
Really happy with this chapter. I can't wait to write another part.
My other books are
A Holiday Romance
Daddy's Little Girl
Save Me
Ask TMNT
TMNT #SWAG: Off the road The Girl With The Fuzzy Socks
They're all tmnt too. Don't forget to vote and comment. Pls give me some feedback. If you have an idea for one of my fanfics, you can comment or PM me.
Thx for all the reads
I'm thinking on taking requests soon on a different book draft I have. Maybe some one shots or imagines, idk. If you think I should, just comment a yes or no along with your feedback
Thx again
:);):)