Pick Up lines

Worthlessness

WARNING: This chapter contains self-harm and self-loathing of all sorts, so if that is not your cup of tea, please do not read this! Also I myself have never been like this, so if his thoughts and mannerisms are not at all accurate, I'm so very sorry. I've only ever been friends with cutters, I myself have never been one.

Additional Tag(s): Mentioned!Sick pleasures/Kinks/Etc.,

You, Nathan Prescott, are a total and complete idiot. Why would you do that shit today? What were you THINKING? Even agreeing to go out with that stubborn nerd, actually giving him a. . . .you gave him a kiss? For what? He was nice to me. Why am I giving out kisses like they're fucking trophies to him? One day and he's gotten like. . . 1 kiss (both were life half a kiss so together that's one I guess.) I suppose it wasn't much, but it was still frustrating to think about. When I closed my door I had the urge to run back out of my room and just embrace him, hold him against me and try to make him some sort of painkiller for myself, to distract me from my thoughts and just keep him for the night at my disposal. It's wrong thinking of him like that, like he's just something that could help me when I know that absolutely no one nor nothing could no matter how hard they tried or prodded. I already plan on dying by myself, and no one is going to ruin my plan. Not even a cute nerd. I deserve to be put down and buried beneath the earth in my own little room that I could call my own and just decay for years and maybe, just maybe one day create something beautiful above me. I'm hoping a tree, flowers are nice but trees last so much linger and have much more history to them that even I sort of wish for, people NEED trees. I would love to be needed one day. It was a sick way of thinking about death, but it was oddly comforting and pulling the razor to my wrists that night sounded very endearing and almost pleasurable, just to bring myself all the way to edge and--

 I felt my phone ring, snapping me out of my thoughts and saw it was Mark.

 "Yeah Mark?" I asked quietly, wondering why he was calling me and hoping that my voice didn't sound as weak as I thought it did.

 "You never came to see me after your appointment." He stated and I could hear background noise as if he was outside, boys shouting to one another and people walking around him and the crunch of grass under his feet. . .

 "Damn! Sorry Mark. It totally slipped my mind, a-are you coming towards the dorms?"

 "Well I was--" No, not tonight.

"No! I'm fine Mark. I don't need you right now. I'm going to be fine. Warren took me out to get some food." I said, then froze, Mark didn't know about Warren, fuck.

"Warren?. . . . wait one second, some kid is standing there looking at me suspiciously. I'm going to head back. Talk to you later Nathan. Good night." He said and I tried to hold in a sigh of relief once he hung up. I threw my phone back down onto the couch and locked my door, going under my bed and pulling out a first aid kit. I shrugged off my jacket and unbuttoned my cardigan, sighing and deciding to take off my shirt as 'well, I didn't want to get blood all over my clothes. I sat on the floor next to my bed and opened up the box, pulling out a cloth that I rolled across my bedspread and began to line up all kinds of sharp objects; A good old fashioned Razor, a hunting knife my uncle had given me, thinking that I would actually join him one day in murdering the beautiful creatures, a pair of scissors, and a box cutter. I took out the neosporin and peroxide to help clean the wounds afterwards and some clean bandages (Though this time I don't think I'll need them.) I looked down at my bandaged wrists and slowly unwrapped them, watching as scarred skin began to show, some of the cuts were already healed and the only thing left of them was a shiny white scar that would never leave (Which I loved to keep them, not wanting to rip them open again as I found them very beautiful.) and then the newer marks that marred my skin that were irritated looking and jagged as if I had been shaking at the time, which I was, I couldn't even clean them properly last night, the thought of Warren rejecting me made me way too nervous for my own good. I sighed and grabbed the hunting knife, at least he wouldn't have to deal with me and my shit much longer.

Looking everywhere but my skin I tried to muster up the courage to do what I'd been planning on doing forever. I didn't see the point in me even being alive at this point, I was only a nuisance to others, all they did was take pity on me or hate my guts. Maybe I should have been better. No, I definitely could have been better. I've made so many dumb mistakes in my life and I think I could have done everything differently. The only person who would TRULY miss me once I was gone would be my sister, she was the only one who ever gave a shit-- (Then why did she leave you at the time that you needed her most you fucking miserable excuse of a human being.) -- Maybe mom would care. But I highly doubt that. She would just continue to take HER pills and drink her wine all day, staring off into space and not doing anything a mother should do, hell, she might not even notice. Sean would just be happy that I was gone most likely and act like he cared just to earn the sympathies of idiots that would actually believe that he cared about me and my well being. The only reason he is even making me see a therapist (lowkey by the way) is so that they could cure me and he could have a 'Normal' son. Whateverthefuck 'Normal' was for that sadistic douche.

But I can't say much. Looking around my room you can already tell that I would turn out just like him. The thought of hurting others turned me on a bit too much and I did NOT want to succumb into those sick desires, no matter how much I wished I could. Looking at the pictures of both women and men tied up and being raped, touched, made to cum for the photographers desires and fantasizing about doing it myself. . . .to Warren. . . Warren seems like the secretly kinky type, maybe-- no, I felt myself get hard, my length pushing against my jeans and I cursed myself, slamming my head into the edge of my bed frame, making me yelp and drop the hunting knife, I looked down and it had cut my pants a bit, showing off a small bead of blood as it seeped down the side of my leg and began to pool onto my carpet. I growled in frustration and ignoring the already forming bruise on my forehead I grabbed the knife and cut into my wrist vertically deeply, watching as blood poured out of the wound and into my carpet. I felt something coil in my stomach and all I felt was fear now.

I couldn't even kill myself correctly.

I stood up and gasping as I went to the door, I needed to get to the bathroom and clean up, I could now hear my heart beating rapidly in my head and I let out a sob. I opened up the door and ran into the hallway, clutching my wrist to my body and covering my chest in blood. I heard voices and panicked, not being able to move as Warren came around the corner with a bag and two girls trailing him. They all stopped and looked at me with wide eyes, I could just see Warrens heart break even from here. You could pinpoint the exact moment that his heart ripped in two, it made me want to die even more knowing that I made that look cross his face.

"Nathan?" I heard the brunette say and saw as he dropped the bag of. . .whatever it was and ran towards me, clutching my arms and pulling my wrist away from my bloodied body, "We need to get him to the hospital!" He yelled and I drowned out their voices as they spoke frantically around me, I watched them and laughed a bit at their faces, they seemed so. . .so. . .pathetic. I grabbed Warren and placed a kiss on his lips as he dragged me along, making him stop for only a second as I pushed against him, placing a bloody hand around the back of his neck and deepening the kiss.

"I want our love to be like pi. Irrational and never ending. . . " I whispered to him and smiled, "Just in case. . . ."

"Nathan!"

Everything went black.