I didn't want it to turn out like this. I really didn't. I didn't even think that I would survive the ordeal. I expected the cuts to be too deep or I lost too much blood to save or even that they would accept the fact that I wanted to be dead and did it for me when they saw how pathetic and miserable I was.
Of course this wasn't the case. I watched Warrens retreating backside as he left my side, making me suddenly feel cold and aching for him to come back and lay with me, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay by my side and nurse me back to health himself, not leave me in this godforsaken place where people went to die and it spelt like bleach a lot of the time.
After the talk I had with him I was conflicted, I didn't know whether to cry from pain or from relief, knowing that he actually cared about me and. . . .could see himself falling in love with me? . . . .It made me feel a bit funny. In a way that I have never felt, I couldn't pin point what exactly it was, I've been feeling it for the past 28 hours but all I could tell him was that I could see myself falling in love with him as well. Because, well. . . . I could.
I could picture it now really. I could see us holding hands in the hallway, stealing kisses from one another during class, not at all being ashamed of our relationship and taking it a few steps further into intimate situations in public. I could see him refusing to do so in the library until I bit at his neck and his eyes would close as he gasped in pleasure and I encircled my arms around his waist bringing him closer and pressed against me--
"Nathan?" I heard and I snapped myself from my roaming thoughts and trying to control the heat that has spread its way through my body. Sitting up in the bed and looking at the blonde girl who looked like complete shit standing there, her clothes were ruffled and her eyes were swelled and bright red. Her hair didn't sit perfectly atop her head any more, sticking out in random directions and not being able to decide where it wanted to go at all, it looked like she had run her hands through her hair over and over again. She looked terrible. I motioned for her to come closer and she let out a shaky sob, running towards me and wrapping her arms around me tightly, avoiding my bandages as she did so and even climbed into my lap still holding me close to her, "Why would you do this to yourself Nathan? You're so beautiful and strong and everything I'm not and you can't do this to yourself, dammit! You're a Prince!" She yelled as she planted kisses all along my face and head. This was honestly a normal occurrence between us, she tells me constantly that she loves me and that I shouldn't hurt myself like this. She's known I've been doing this for years and has tried to help me as much as she can. Now I feel like complete shit because she now probably thinks that all of her attempts were useless and that there was no point in even trying. In fact she held it off for me, she helped me not just kill myself the first time I tried this. I could have done it before, would never had made it to the age of 16, would of been great really. I wouldn't of had to deal with the rest of the shit that happened in my life. I held her to me and began to cry, not only because of her but everything finally caught up to me and I had to release all of my emotions somehow and the petite girl holding me was the perfect candidate and she didn't seem to mind at all. I noticed she stopped crying and just started to stroke my hair as I cried, shushing me and telling me that everything after this will be better and that I have people who love and care about me and I didn't even notice when Kate walked in and sat on the other side of me, pulling the both of us towards her and holding both of us.
Having both of them here was comforting and I wish I could have been a better friend to them. . . . Well, now I have another chance at life, so that is what I'll start doing actually. It will be healthy for both me and my relationships with others. I think Dr. Bryce would like to hear about this tomorrow when she comes to see me. Speaking of her I really wish she could have stayed longer, I really wanted an adult that I trusted to be around right now and I have no idea if anyone has contacted Mark or not. I noticed that Victoria and Kate had both pulled back and were looking at me happily, faces still puffy from tears and Kate was wiping at her face.
"I wish we could stay longer Nathan. Oh god I wish I could. . . but we have to go." Victoria explained, standing up off of the bed and giving me one last kiss on my forehead, Kate rubbed my shoulder.
"We'll make sure no one gets to your Warren, okay sweetie?" Kate said and I looked at her with wide eyes, she just gave me a small smug grin and leaned forward, I expected a kiss like Victoria gave me but instead she just gave me a small nuzzle and followed Victoria out of the room, calling for her to wait up.
I sat there in silence for awhile, sort of wishing that someone else would visit me and I really hated the smell of the hospital, my god. Did someone shit themselves in the other room? I wonder if I could text someone to bring me one of my candles from my room tomorrow. I hummed in thought as I sunk down into the pillows that were as comfortable as I expected; not at all. I groaned and heard a nurse come in. She checked in me a bit then wandered out of the room, shutting off the light for me and telling me to call for her whenever I needed anything and I shut my eyes, allowing the darkness to overtake me.
--
The next morning I felt like complete shit. I looked over to the side of my bed and saw some roses sitting there. I sat up, hissing slightly as my scars stretched a bit underneath my bandages. I was heavily confused about the flowers and checked the tag, they had no name but I had a feeling who they were from. I sighed, happiness and fondness evident in the tone.
"So glad that you like them." I heard behind me and cursed, what is it with people and scaring the crap out of me lately? I turned and saw Dr. Bryce standing there, a small smile on her face though her face was etched with obvious worry, "Warren, the sweetheart, was here. He left those there and he is sorry to not be here when you woke up. You see, he had other things to do and promised to be back later. Of course I told him to try and work around when Mr. Jefferson will be visiting. Which is soon, right after classes end for the day I heard."As she continued I felt myself beginning to smile. Mark knows that I'm here, he cares about me and will be here to comfort me. Then I frowned, what if he's angry about what I did to myself? I know he would never lay a hand on me but what if he decides to guilt trip me or-- no, Mark would never do that. He has only ever cared about MY well-being, he has given up wo many things for me and I know he would never do the crap my father always did. "But for now Nathan, I am here. . . .I hope I am suitable company. . .?" She asked and I nodded, motioning for her to take a seat.
"Of course you're suitable company Dr. Bryce. I'm actually really relieved that it was you who decided to show up this morning. . . Your presence is very comforting." I admitted and her eyes widened a bit then a genuine smile broke across her face, she seemed thrilled for a moment but she composed herself and took a seat next to my bedside.
"That. . . wow. Mr. Prescott I'm so honored that you feel that way--"
"Nathan." I corrected and she nodded.
"Nathan-- I forgot, forgive me?"
"Yes." I gave her one of my rare smiles, "It is. . . .is it okay if I don't talk about what happened last night?" I looked down at the bandages on my wrists, tears welling up a bit.
"Of course, Nathan. We can talk about. . . .well, start where ever you would like." She sat back in the chair that didn't look at all comfortable and pulled a note pad out of her briefcase, motioning for me to begin. I sat silently for a few moments, trying to figure out where exactly I could start, Dr. Bill always told me where to begin and pretty much how I felt over and over again. Now I could choose what I wanted to say and when I want to say it.
"I- I would like to start when I first. . . ." I chewed my lip, I needed help with this anyways. May as well ask her, "When I first met Warren Graham." Dr. Bryce seemed a bit surprised at the topic but urged me to go on.
I told her as much as I could remember. From the day that I laid eyes in the nerd making goo goo eyes at the widely loved and known Max Caulfield. Everyone knew her and everyone seemed quite fond of her. I was the only one who absolutely hated her guts, and for what reason? I never officially figured out. All I know is that whenever I saw her and Warren talking or embracing I would feel the need to step up and start some shit. I never knew why, but I fought it most of the time and would just go back to the dorms feeling pissed off and lonely. Victoria Chase was always secretly fond of Maxine and talked about her excessively, I assumed that she was in love with the little hipster bitch and comforted her with that one day, Victoria actually seemed afraid of me that day and begged me to understand that she did NOT like Max-Fucking-Caulfield. After that ordeal we didn't speak, we still stood next to each other and nodded to one another and did our normal thing, though it was a bit tense of course, we finally figured it out after about a week and I believed her finally. But I was hardly mad at her in the first place, The entire time I couldn't stop thinking about Max around Warren. When I thought of her alone or with someone else I wasn't nearly as mad as of when I imagined Warren flirting and sighing dreamily in her direction.
When I actually first spoke to Warren he was being a total clumsy nerd and ran right into me while holding about a thousand test tubes, shattering all of them. I over reacted that day, the meds I were taking were having a strange effect on me and all I could do was go off on the younger male. Ms. Grant told me to stop and had him apologize to me, which even I was confused about but said nothing and kept up the appearance that I was pissed off at the brunette. When she gave me a warning I couldn't help but glance over at him and it perhaps looked like a glare, I wouldn't really of been all that surprised. One thing I noticed was that his entire face was red from embarrassment and all I could do was scoff and walk about if the room, trying to push my own blush from appearing. I knew as soon as I left that one of groupies, Brooke or whatever the fuck her name was would comfort him while I would go the bathroom and smoke away my problems, hoping to solve them in the stupidest way.
That day I tried to steal The Tobanga. It would look perfect in my dorm room but trying to take it was harder than I imagined. Hayden found me a while later crying against it and pushing it with all my might. Hayden had to pull me away from it and hold me for about half an hour. I tried to kiss him, and surprisingly he kissed back. That night I let out all my sexual frustrations on. . . pretty much one if my best friends. Afterwards wasn't even that awkward if I'm to be totally honest. We're both still friends and we act like the night never even happened. Neither if us has even mentioned it since and I don't think either if us ever will. And that's fine, I have no feelings for Hayden and he has none for me. We were both thinking of different people that bight anyways, least I know I was.
Anyways, after all of that happened I kept seeing Warren EVERYWHERE. I swear to fucking hell that he was stalking me or I was subconsciously stalking him or something. But what made me more pissed off during that time was that Max and Chloe were with him every single time. Meaning I couldn't even try to talk to him or even look his way no matter how much I craved so. I knew for a fact that both Max and Chloe hated my guts and would rather see me dead on the side of the road then try to come up and be civil to them, so I kept my distance and tried to ignore the trio that seemed to be everywhere I was.
One of the days that I saw them together I couldn't help but laugh, there sitting across the plaza from me was Chloe Price and Max Caulfield all curled up together on a bench pressing kisses to one another while Warren sat next to them a bit awkwardly. Oh, did I say a bit? I mean he was the definition of awkward right there, he had no idea what to do with his hands or where to look when they kissed. During one of the kisses her had turned his head towards me and made eye contact with me, I gave him a kissy face and he had turned a bright red, turning away from me and instead looking down at his lap. Victoria was with me and laughed when she noticed what happened.
Speaking of her again, I found out that she was hanging out with Warren behind my back and if course I went off on her, I had no idea what to think. She knew I liked him and seeing HER now hanging out with him was making me a bit peeved. I over reacted once again, though she tells me it was normal, and calmed me down, finally telling me that her and that Marsh girl were together now, that she had told Warren about the relationship first and was worried if how I would react to her dating the girl she once used to bully relentlessly. To say I was surprised was an understatement. I accepted it of course but couldn't wrap my head around ow such a sweet girl came to love the woman who abused her constantly. Even I thought she took it a bit far with Kate sometimes. But seeing then together I could see how happy they were and I started to hang out with Kate. . . .she turned out to be very forgiving and way too nice, but I began to love her much like I do Victoria, so now they are both my sisters who I would protect with my life. . . .including myself.
"I'm afraid we've run out of time Nathan." Dr. Bryce said, standing up and laying a hand in my shoulder, "Thank you so much for sharing what you did. . . .I will be back, perhaps not tomorrow, but next week. I promise. By then you should be in tip top shape and more capable of telling me more." I nodded and pulled her in for a hug, she seemed shocked but hugged me back nevertheless.
"See you next week Dr. Bryce, goodbye. Thank you." I said, surprising myself with how much I trust the woman, I never trusted anyone but Mark like this. It's. . . It's really nice.
"Goodbye Nathan" She walked out of the room and the soothing and warming aura she seemed to bring with her where ever she went left with her, leaving me once again cold and anxious.
Thinking back on what I told her I realized I never really said any of that to anyone. Hell. I admitted to her that I had non-romantic sex with my best friend and acted as if it was nothing when really that sort of thing would be very important to talk about. What if Hayden still thinks about it but is too afraid to mention it to me because of how he thinks I would react?
Fuck. Too much going on in my head. I called for a nurse to come in and they gave me some pain relievers, making me feel a bit better and waited for Mark Jefferson to show up.
YOU ARE READING
Pick Up lines
Teen Fiction'Nathan. He is a rude guy, I live right across the hall from him but I always avoid him if I can. When I do make eye contact he just glares at me as if I offended him in some way and that I don't deserve to look upon his beauty-- beauty? No no that'...
