A Dance With The Devil (Spn fanfic)

Decisions Decisions

If I chose not to hunt I could lead a normal boring life. Forever stuck at the studio making commercials and small films on the side. I could sit around with Leena and Melissa hanging out with them and watching their lives spiral forwards towards weddings and children and responsibilities I still don't know if I'm ready to take on. I could possibly find a boyfriend or a future husband. I don't think I would ever have kids. Being around kids everyday has taught me that I do not want a child of my own. I think even from a young age when I pictured my future it was children less.

If I stayed here, I could keep living this life. I would get up and go to the studio with my mother almost everyday of the week. If I kept this life I could forever keep my mother safe. If I kept this life I could keep Melissa and Leena safe. If I kept this life I could keep doing what I always thought I would be doing. I could change or I could keep my routine of things. But whoever said change was deadly, never learned how lethal routine could be.

I could become a hunter and travel the world helping people. I could become a hunter simply because I believe I can. I took those vampires out with ease. I could feel myself becoming someone I wanted to be during that hunt. Which might seem absolutely insane. I wanted to kill things for a living. Maybe I was just a bit self-destructive. Maybe I just wanted a change. Maybe for once I want to do something for myself.

Maybe for once, I will be selfish.

It's been only a day since Sam and Dean left for Rochester. If I wanted I could catch up with them and help with the hunt, but who said that they wanted me to tag along on their hunts. If I was to become a hunter I would need to learn to do this stuff on my own. It shouldn't be hard because I am always alone.

I was always alone. Even with Melissa and Leena in my life I rarely ever hung out with them, and I only had drunken conversations and sober arguments with my mother. It would be so easy to leave them behind me, safe and sound while I went off fighting the evils of the world.

I look over to my closet and stare at the small duffle bag that was packed in the corner of my closet. It wouldn't be enough to carry all my clothes for the road. It was more of an overnight bag and I never owned a suitcase due to the fact we rarely ever left New York except for a few times when I was younger and we went on family vacations all around the United States.

I exited my room and headed into my mothers room. I checked to make sure she wasn't inside but I knew she wouldn't be. She was probably out with Leena's mom even though it was a Wednesday evening. The studio closed about an hour ago at nine and I had been sitting in my room since thinking of what I wanted to do.

I searched the room a bit for a bag until I decided to check her closet but she only had small duffles as well. So I decided to check my father's closet. When I entered I was engulfed in a wave of nostalgia. I had only been in there once since he died. It was the day he died and I had just sat in there and cried myself to sleep while my mother drank herself to sleep in a bar. I ran my finger along his clothes. It still smelled like him. I tried hard to choke back tears but it was no use. I let them silently stream down my face as my fingers felt the different materials of his shirts.

When I made my way to the back of the closet I had found what I was looking for. It was a large brown duffle bag. Big enough to hold at least three weeks worth of clothes with ease. That would be more than enough for my car. As much as I had decided so far was that I would go to hunts wherever and whenever but I would always return here if my mother would allow me and if I knew it was safe to do so. So this duffle bag would be plenty big enough even if it did so happen that I would be disowned by my mother or if I never came back.

I tried pulling on the big brown duffle but it wouldn't budge. I pulled harder freeing it from whatever held it in place but I flung backwards in the process.