The Left Side of my Brain on the Right Side of a Page

El Llanto de Frida

I am miserable.

Life serves me justice
Day after day
Month after month
For the crimes I have not dutifully committed
And sadness
That brings me waves of discomfort
In doses like water
Essential to my routine
Drains me of my emotional input.
I am worthless to myself.

For what am I than the pleaser of others?
The jester to the king?
The cheese to the mouse?
I dwell on the insecurities
Of my obscured whole
A half entirely
But the people look up to me.
They /expect/ things of me.
I can perform
But for what do I perform?
I do not benefit
I do not receive
And I cannot be happy.

This is a spiral of suffering
With neither a conception
Nor an outcome.
I do not deserve the punishment
Of what I have
For I am as humane
As the rest of them
But in saying this
I do not deserve life
And I wish for what is more
And what cannot be.

I do not know of my true origin
No more than do you
But perhaps another life
Served me my pitifulness
Or an absolute ruler
Granted me my uncleanliness
Or is it I'm just a humanitarian recipient
For the well-being of only others?

I am miserable.
Oh, pity me sovereign one
And I beg of you
Inflict upon me
The danger of happiness.