in too deep.

as you are now.

I let out a sigh, and turned to face him. He looked at me as if nothing had happened. As if, we were still – us. "Is the sky nice?" he said, nodding with a grin. I shrugged and continued to look out the window. The sky was bright and gleaming. If I died, would I still be able to see the light from the sun? – Or the blue summers sky?

I could feel him looking at me. Beating me up with his eyes, he dropped his face and looked down. I drooped down my shoulders and felt a fire in the top of my ribs and bottom of my stomach, it was pain. Pain was slowly killing me. And, although I didn't like it, I ignored it and tried to stay focussed.

The lesson went on, infinitely. I wasn't sure if it was because I was struggling or because it was maths. He looked at me and tried to start a conversation, bless him. He didn't know what was going on with me. He used to know me so well, now im just an old friend. A distant character in his life.

He took my hand and kissed me softly. I closed my eyes and felt the passion explode like electricity. "I love you." He murmured whilst pulling me closer to his body.

"What are you doing?"

I woke up from my trance and realised I had to answer. "Im thinking. Is that illegal?" He looked shocked and slightly humorous. "Jeez, what's wrong with you?" I shook my head and hated myself for letting my anger show. Damn, I tried so hard to hate him. To think of him as the enemy. But he was always my hero. He would be there to take the edge off, he was like alcohol – made me smile and relaxed but, too much of him wasn't the best thing for me...

I watched him get up and walk over to her. I knew I shouldn't have been doing it to myself, but I needed something to push me away from this feeling. But instead, it just hurt me deeper. The urge to cry became a challenge, a challenge I was succeeding at. Until she put her arm around his shoulder. My eyes filled within seconds so I looked up to try to keep them in, it just made me cry fully. The tears started spilling out and so did the pain.

I didn't understand why I did this to myself. I felt the need to just see, to be curious, what if he liked her? What if he loved her? Shit.

I felt a soft breeze as he swooped next to me and I hid my face to dry my cheeks and I turned to face the boy that I promised a forever too. The teacher handed us a sheet and I said thanks. He started to write on the sheet and I started to clench my fists. I wasn't feeling pain anymore; I was angry. He pushed the small paper towards me and I spun it round so I could read it.

There, on the top of the page read: poppy + kai.

My arms went week and I failed to keep it in. tears started soaking my face and smudging the writing beneath our names.

Shit. I was crying, again.

10 mins later

I walked out of toilets and turned on the tap. The mirror had faint white smudges splashed across the top; it was almost as if it was put there to distract me. But the distraction only lasted a brief few seconds.

Then, the distraction withdrew, and I saw the blurred, pale figure staring back with lifeless eyes.

I was lifeless.