I wrote this at 11:30 when I was half-asleep. That version of me is very, very, pessimistic, judging by this writing.
Do you ever have that moment when you're trying to sleep and the sense of absolute terror just sweeps over you and you want to scream but can't? You want scream and claw at the threat, but there is none, so you are just left quivering in your bed, hugging your pillow and waiting for the internal screams to stop so you can sleep. Then when the sense of terror lifts, you are completely awake and unable to sleep because of the memories of the screams in your head that replay over and over. They just won't stop. When you do finally get to sleep, it is not as refreshing as you wish it could be and you go to school, half-awake and with purple bags that signify your struggles at night under your eyes, to force your way through until you can see the person who makes you the happiest. And after that fleeting time with your happy, you only catch the occasional glance of them for the next few hours until you are set free. You want to spend time with friends, but being alone sounds better, and that instrument in the corner is begging to be played. When you do finally get to your instrument, you can't and don't play anything, leaving you sitting there, thinking about how much fun you could be having with your friends right now. The cruel cycle repeats, letting you wallow in regrets of the past and present instead of sleeping.
The days when you do break free of the cycle are your happiest. Even if it's just a little present from a person close to you or a compliment from a random stranger, it is by far the best day this week. Sleepovers are the nights when you get the best sleep. You are near a person close to you. You know that they will protect you if the terror dares to come close to you. You know that they love you and that they will miss you if you leave.
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Well that was dark and depressing. I have no idea where that came from. I am generally a very happy person, but I do have those night terror waves a lot.
ANYWAYS.
Did you guys watch PINOF 7? It was awesome. You should watch it if you haven't.
Grave of the Fireflies is a depressing movie. Why did you make it so sad, Ghibli? I just wanted to watch a film that would make it easier for me to fall asleep.
I HOPE YOU HAVE LISTENED TO LA DEVOTEE, BECAUSE IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE YOUR LIFE.
I just found out how to customize my tumblr using the magic of HTML and CSS. It is now amazingz.
I am in the process of creating a master playlist of all of the Emo Trinity's songs on Youtube. I've done P!atd and half of FOB, and it's already over 100 videos long.
