or lack of them, rather.
Actually, not really. More like, filtered. I feel emotions kinda like I'm looking through a window, but feelings and not sights. The experience is not the best, but it's still there.
That was a really bad way of putting it.
It's more like I can feel most emotions, but others feel detached.
For example, today, my aunt's dog died. This dog was 15 years old and I had known this dog since I was a toddler, so I was pretty attached to it. But when my dad told me that he had died, I didn't feel sad.
Well, not in the conventional, crying, my-world-has-come-crashing-down-on-top-of-me way, at least. It was more like a black hole of the lack of sadness or grief. I just thought 'awh, that sucks'.
That was it. Nothing else.
It angers me a bit how detached some of my emotions are sometimes.
On the other hand, I feel so much regret it's kinda ridiculous. It's at the point where I have trouble sleeping every night because of one stupid thing I said or did either today or seven years ago.
So basically:
I don't really feel sadness or grief, but I regret almost everything I did wrong in my life.
I can't remember the last time I actually cried. It was at least two years ago.
...
Yeah.
Death doesn't phase me. If someone said that I was going to die in a few days, I would either not be able to process it or not really care. I value my life, but I have accepted death to be inevitable. So if it happens, it happens.
Fear, however, is a completely different story. That not detached at all. I'm deathly afraid of the dark and the paranormal. I have to be completely under my duvet or I'm not sleeping at all. If I even lift a corner of my duvet to get some cooler air, my chest tightens and pulse goes up. It'll also randomly happen if I'm just sitting somewhere, wrapped up in a blanket.
It confuses me.
It's probably my overactive imagination when it comes to fantasies about my fears and death.
Okay, I'm done with that for now.
----TOPIC CHANGE----
I SAW JOHN BARROWMAN TODAY.
AT COMICON.
Well, it was more like I looked over at the autograph booths and caught a few glimpses of him.
It was still pretty awesome.
While I was there I also got a bunch of Undertale prints. I got lesser dog, greater dog, and a couple more I can't remember.
AND THEN I GOT THE CUTEST STUFFED ANIMAL I HAVE EVER SEEN.
It's like a dinosaur and a whale combined.
I named it Aaron.
It's fabulous.
