Connection -- A Ross Lynch Story

The Truth Hurts

Those three words knocked the wind out of me. I wanted to talk everything out like we usually did when we were fighting, except I couldn't exactly pinpoint the reason that he was blowing up. All rationality went straight out the window when he uttered those three words, as if I was doing something wrong when I knew I wasn't. My mouth hung open in shock and my brow furrowed, but I remained silent.

"With him?!" Carson continued, his volume raising. "Of all people?! Disney boy!" He let a strained, frustrated chuckle roll off his tongue. "Katrina, you are a piece of work."

It was as if smoke emerged from my nostrils, like a dragon ready to strike. He struck the chord within me and I was ready to explode. "Keep your voice down," I struggled to say in a calm voice. I didn't want to escalate the situation, no matter how much the anger boiled inside of me.

He scoffed and suddenly his eyes were wide, his pupils dilated from the lack of light around us. "Why?" he hollered, almost louder than before. "You afraid your BOYFRIEND WILL HEAR?" I had never seen him act this way. He was erratic, now pacing in a zig-zag pattern, unable to contain himself.

"Carson!" I hissed, grabbing onto his arm to stop him from moving anymore. "Have you completely fucking lost it?!" He inhaled sharply, refusing to release the breath. But at least he stopped moving. "Now maybe you should start from the beginning and tell me why you're acting like a complete lunatic instead of insulting me, or anyone else for that matter. What the fuck is your problem?"

"Years!" Carson hollered when he finally released his breath, but he wasn't yelling out of anger anymore. I must have knocked him back down to Earth. Now he was shaking, his eyes watering. "We've known each other for YEARS, Trina! I've been there for you, supported you, no matter what! We had our differences, but I always had your back."

All I could do was listen as he ranted. Nothing he was saying really made an impact on me. I didn't connect the dots. What exactly had I done to him that had him acting this way? "So? I've always appreciated that. What does our history have to do with any of this?"

He threw his arms up in surrender. "Trina, are you blind? This," he said with emphasis, gesturing back and forth between us, "was never just a friendship. I love you! I've always loved you. We fight and bicker like an old married couple, and I thought you felt the same way. Obviously I was wrong." Actual tears were starting to form in his eyes, but I was stunned. All traces of emotion left my face. I went pale and stared at him blankly, listening as his words went in one ear and out the other. "How could you do this? Chose him over me? After everything..." No answer. "SAY SOMETHING," he shouted once again, knocking me out of my daze.

"I think..." I started, trying to find the right way to say what I was thinking. There had to be a way to put into words the indescribable feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was blindsided with this information, completely knocked off my feet. How did I manage to overlook this? "I think that maybe we need to just take the night to figure things out," I sighed.

Everything was spinning and I knew I wasn't the only one that felt it. The sudden surge of emotion shook everything. I wavered a little as I tried to turn around and make my way back to my bunk, but he wouldn't let me. Carson grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "I already have it figured out," he shot back at me. "Katrina, I love you."

"As a friend," I urged. I wanted him to realize that there was no way he could love me the way he thought he did. "Because that's what we are," I reminded him. "We're just friends." I could've left it there. I could've just walked away and came back to it, but I was angry again. All I wanted was a little time, but he kept throwing those words at me like a weapon. "How could you expect me to just know how you felt?" I asked, turning back around to face him. "You never said a word, yet I'm the villain in your story. Want to know why I chose Ross? Because he didn't hide his feelings. He did what normal people do, Carson. He made a move." I took a deep breath, feeling light-headed. "The only person who stopped you from making a move was yourself, and now it's too late."

"Too late..."

"Don't ruin this for me," I warned. "I really like Ross. Don't scare him away. I will never forgive you." There. It was all out in the open. There was nothing left to be said. "I'll see you at soundcheck tomorrow," I told him, walking back to the bus. I didn't stop. I didn''t look back. It was over.

After pulling off my tight jeans and feeling the refreshing cool air from the breeze flowing through the open windows of the bus on my exposed skin, I hopped up into my bunk and fluffed my pillow a couple of times. I grasped the curtain and was about to slide it shut when I heard Piper's voice. "Hey T?" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Was it bad?" she asked quietly, trying not to disturb an already sleeping Asher.

"Yeah," I replied with a yawn. "Pretty bad, Pipes." She mumbled something before rolling over and I finally was able to pull the curtain shut and isolate myself. I didn't know a night could go from sigh a high to the lowest of lows. Underneath my pillow, my cell phone vibrated once. The bright screen burned my eyes, but I felt my heart flutter when I saw the message.

"My shirt smells like you," Ross's text said. "I miss you already."