A Collection of Stories

Boat yards and Burning Mattresses

Introducing the amazing Red, you'll love her.
     -blue

I don't know where you came from. No where, maybe. Maybe you were always there. But one day, on the rare occasion I glanced up from my books; you were watching me. Eyes so dark and serious, stared at my own dull ones. Smiles were exchanged, and that was it. Something in me changed. Snapped. My rusty heart kick-started and those annoyingly perfect eyes were ingrained in my mind. See, before you, I didn't believe I would ever fall in love at the ripe age of sixteen. Too awkward, too forced, too messy. Too scary. Gangly limbs and sloppy kisses. My walls were up; thick and strong, ready to fend anyone off. But those damn eyes of yours knocked them down with a swift steely look. You were inevitable. You were just there.

And after that, I believed in love. Love was messy, and scary. But you helped. You showed me love didn't have to be something awkward or uncomfortable while we grew up into who we were going to be. You showed me a different side of me. That something beautiful lied within my slightly crooked teeth and my dirt colored hair. A girl that was radiant because she loved a boy with everything in her.

Time passed, and things seemed to blur together in a haze. Memories were made. Some of my favorite ones- you kissing my collar bone, in the spot where the bone was gnarled from being broken, and you jumping from boat to boat in that abandoned boat yard we stumbled upon late one August night. And your truck. Rusted and a faded blue, I used to press my toes on the dash and feel the sun on my face as we drove around the wasteland that was our town. And I would watch you drive, watch your arm as you shifted to fourth gear as we flew down the back roads. I would watch you in general. I grew familiar with the curve of your nose, the shape of your eyebrows, and the exact texture of the scruff that was under your chin. And after time passed we made other memories; like what went on in our rooms. Nothing more than long kisses on foreheads and necks and lips. The kind of kisses that made me twist my fingers into my mattress when I couldn't sleep because I was thinking of them. We fit, or at the time we did, anyway.

Something in me turned sour. I became an insecure, jealous girl who wanted nothing more than you. Doubts began to cloud my mind. It was like a sickness. Creeping slowly into my mind driving me mad. Would I ever be good enough for you? I doubted it. In my mind you were perfection, dark hair and dark eyes, full lips and black lashes. I was a mess of a girl, mousy and quiet, much different from your blunt and wild personality. Would you get tired of me?

And then began the drifting. Farther and farther...and we didn't fit anymore. I panicked. It scared me how much you consumed my thoughts. It scared me how much I thought I needed you. You consumed everything, in fact. Before I feel asleep was the worst, my fingers weaving through frayed mattress I always picked at when I thought of you. Even in sleep, I saw your face. I latched on, holding so, so tight, searching for anything that would tell me you still wanted me. I wanted you to want me so badly. I couldn't let you go, I wouldn't. You where the center of my tiny world, and I had given you complete control of me.

What we had in the beginning was gone. Long gone. I noticed, and you did too. As you grew more and more distant, I did everything in my power to keep you. But people change, I guess. I refuse to believe that I did. My heart was full of you. So full, I believe, that it cracked and split.

The months after we fell apart were...simply terrible. I hurt. All over. This pain wasn't like pricking your finger or stepping on a thorn. This pain was the kind where my chest seemed to carry twenty extra pounds, dragging my body into exhaustion and fits of ugly sobs I couldn't seem to stop. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop it. The pain raged on until I had cried my eyes raw on the cold bathroom tiles. Then the anger came. How could you? Why? What had I done wrong... I tried so hard to fix it. I pleaded for you to let me fix it. But you claimed it couldn't be fixed. It was done.

I went back to the boat yard. The boats were empty and sad, casting dark shadows. It pained me to see something once so full of light, dark and withering away. It made me sick. I took a bat and destroyed every window. Every inch you touched. The boats our names were etched on were beaten the most. I stopped only when I my fingers were white from gripping the bat and bleeding from the glass. Only when I was crying stupid fat tears and begging for the hurting to go away. With my fingers bound with band-aids, I dragged my old mattress to the boat yard and laid the match in the hole I made by thinking of you.

Time passed. After a while, the memories started to grow grey, the sound of your laughter branded in my brain slowed to a stop, and the feelings started to fade. My muscles eventually shook the numbness away and I started to feel again. I didn't think about you every second of every day like I used to, but you sometimes crossed my mind. My heart started to sew itself back together, bit by bit.

You were replaced. I was hesitant and scared he would hurt me like you did, so I was cautious and cold. My walls were up again, only this time twenty times thicker and taller. He was careful, gentle even. Chipping the walls ever so slightly until they collapsed. Not demanding and rough, like you when you had blown the walls to bits. But eventually the feelings that I thought could never be passed were. Little by little he brought me back to life. Coaxed love back into the heart you destroyed so long ago.

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Written by RedRoses818