TOO LATE

VI

I drove home and rushed into my house. My mom started to say something but at the moment I didn't care. I just wanted to read the book. I opened the door and jumped. "Fucking shit! You guys scared the hell out of me." Calum and Ashton were sitting on my bed. "Where have you been, man? We've been calling you." Calum sounded annoyed but I wasn't sure if he was mad.

"I've been here. I was.. Sick." I felt bad for lying but I couldn't tell them. I crossed my arms across my chest and in my slight horror, the book and her sweater fell out. I tried to be quick, but Ashton was faster. "Brooke? Is this her sweater?!" I couldn't read Ashton's expression but I didn't want to know. "Ash, give it back!"

"Why do you have this? I thought you hated her." Ashton stayed quiet as Calum was interrogating me. "I- I don't fucking know. Can't we talk about this some other time?"

"No way, Luke. We're fucking worried about you! We don't see you for weeks and we come to your house to find you smuggling Brooke's things. You have grown pale and you're thinner!" Cal exclaimed. Why isn't Ashton saying anything? "Can you just leave me alone?! I'm fine, okay.. I just need some time alone to-" "To what? Rot away in this goddamn room?! I'm trying to help you!" After he interrupted me, I snapped.

"Well I don't need your fucking help. I don't need or want you here. Get out of my fucking house." A flash of hurt settled into his eyes and Ashton snapped his head up with a look of surprise. I knew I hurt him more than what the outside revealed. We were like brothers and for me to ultimately push him away like this? At the time, I didn't even consider apologizing. I just wanted to be alone. Calum stormed out that night with Ashton trailing behind. Though Ash told me something that I still can not stop thinking about. "She might be dead, but really, who decided that?" Me. "That's what I hear when I see you in the state." Then he silently walked out of the room.

It's all my fault.

I did this to her.

I want her back.

Give her back!

I felt shock waves of pain on the top of my head. Without even noticing, I was pulling at the roots of my hair. I was so deep into it; I couldn't even see the light at the end of the tunnel. After my breathing slowed, I crawled into my bed with her sweater and Bored Book. I read for hours and hours and before I knew it, I was asleep.