Burning eyes

My reasons why.

I'm lost.

The world is bleak. Oh so damn bleak.

My race is a blur,

people judge me of my skin color.

My trust is gone, far gone.

It's better to have love and lost? Bullshit! I love someone I couldn't have. She was my everything. Her name burns whenever I utter it. She was an alcoholic. Dear lord, I love that woman. I wasn't of age to be with her, to this day I'm still nowhere close. She died one day, her last bottle.

My dad was never there, at least I had one right? Fuck that. I'd be better off if I didn't know he existed.

My mother...well she's something else.

The looks I receive.

I can't be myself, at least not outside. But behind closed doors I'm alive.

The style I have is way ahead or past it's time.

I try to preach what is really happening to youth and nobody cares.

Nobody will understand me.

I had counseling.

It's hard to breath at times.

I can be hysterical.

Maybe I'm mental.

Laughing spontaneously,

and crying continuously.

I'm too thin,

Too tall,

Weird,

Socially awkward,

Artistic,

The list goes on.

I'm just too different.

The world wants to be bland,

and I'm here.

I guess that's a problem, right?

I'm destabilizing.

Losing control.

But maybe, just maybe, I can keep this facade...

And pretend everything is ok..

These are parts of my reasons why.

Reasons why I'm dying slowly inside.

The reasons why my life is my death.

You,

those same people who judged and ridiculed me,

are the reason, the reason I hurt.

I'm hurting. I'm hurting. I'm hurting.

The pain won't end despite the medication.

I'm losing it.

Who am I kidding? I've lost my mind miles ago down this harsh road of life.

I hope those of you who don't judge never experience this pain.

It's internal and it never ends...until you end it or someone else dose.