Dearest Phil,
I don't know what to say. I never have. I'm a mess, and you still loved me for it. I don't know why. I guess I don't know a lot of stuff. You were always the one with the knowledge, even if you are clutzy as heck. I don't know why you ever talked to a freak kid like me, or why you ever stuck with me through all this crap.
I also don't know what this is. This isn't a suicide note. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I can't say why, or where I am going, but I'm leaving. I'm leaving and I can't see you again.
Don't bother trying to call me. I got a brand new bank account and transferred most of my money into it, so you don't have to worry about financial stuff. I left my phone on my nightstand. I don't know why, but it's there if you need it. I turned the password off, just for you.
I never did trust you with my password.
I guess that expands my list of things I regret. The old passcode is 7445.
I should've trusted you more. I should've loved you more.
I don't know when you'll find this, or how you'll react. I'm just hoping I'm out of London by now, so the Scotland Yard can't track me. That's the reason I left my phone.
I'm trusting you Phil. I'm trusting you to leave me alone. I'm trusting you not to mention this to a soul. I'm really trusting you this time, Phil. Unlike the past.
I thought of everything. I have clothes, shelter, water, food-- I have everything. I just need you to promise me something. One thing.
Remember me.
---
I move through the house like I'm in a dream. Shortly after I'd gotten dressed, I took the note off the mirror. With sore, shaking hands, I drop it into the bin.
"D... Dan... Dan?"
I move through the house, and go downstairs, and realize in his rush, he didn't shut the door all the way.
Gently, I close the door and lean against it. I slowly slide down the side, and the numbness in my stomach fades quickly, and it cramps. I run my fingers through my hair, and my throat tightens. Hot tears roll down my cheeks as I take everything in.
What am I supposed to do?
YOU ARE READING
One Life (Phan)
Fanfiction***READ FIRST*** Trigger Warnings: Self harm thoughts/themes. Suicide thoughts/themes. Depression and anxiety. You have been warned. /"Dan..."/ /I look back at him, averting my gaze from my laptop. We're at Phil's house, sitting in his room. I am on...
