The Worst Hamilton Fanfic Ever

Part 1

Alexander was just chillin after having EXTREME hot anal sex with Laurens and talking about how racist thomas jefferson was but then they both heard the door open.....
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE MOTHERFUKERS!!!!!!!!!!!"
it was....................Eliza !
"Holy shit!!! wtf" Alexander said. "U know Laurens and I have......meetings......on Tuesdays...." Alex explained. John put his middle finger up at her because he was against slavery. "Its Saturday you fuckin idiot.........anyway i'm here bc Angelica suggested a threesome and I was like.......alright" Eliza sighed.
"Then where the fuck is she?" Laurens screamed.
"Peggy? Holy fuck John you know she's in London" Eliza rolled her eyes.
"I thought Lafayette was in London!!!!!??????" Hamilton screamed.
Eliza then slapped Laurens in the face because he was being annoying af and she can't stand him. "John........you know we're all in london." she explained.

"I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT LONDON!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA FUCK ALEXANDER" Laurens screamed.
"So does angelica!" eliza then pushed alexander off the bed bc he was also really annoying af.

Alexander fixed his extremely powdered wig and was like "WHO'S IN LONDON?" but it was too late bc eliza and john were already fucking and alex was always the third wheel and that would just be awkward in this situation.

So alex left them to do whatever.....idk....... and went to go roast his least favorite person ever in the world: Thomas 'the worst rapper ever' Jefferson. But first he had to go find his favorite boy band member and dad.....Washington. Washington was in the boy band called '1776 Directions of Federalism! At the Cabinet Meeting' and his concerts were always hella lit. Alex found him backstage weeping. "Wtf george??? did james madison leave the band again" Alex yelled, referencing that one time James Madison left the band and Peggy schuyler cried about it for like at least 5 months straight.

"Omg no!! Jefferson just quit the band" GW started to say.
"fuck YES!!!!! now I can be the hot bassist of this band!" Hamilton screamed in agony.
"NO BITCH HE QUIT TO START HIS OWN BOY BAND......." Washington punched hamilton in the neck.
"Lmao GWash, 1776DOF!ATCM always wins the battle of the bands anyway so it's ok!!" Hamilton shrugged.

Suddenly hamilton was hit in the head with a book. He picked it up, it was a copy of Common Sense by Thomas Paine, another person named Thomas who was really stupid and dumb. He turned around to see to his evil sister in law who was supposed to be in London........Angelica.

"I believe this thing belongs to you." She smirked, shoving a random teenager in Alex's direction. "He says his name is Philip???? Idk I found him in the street" She rolled her eyes because people named Philip disgusted her.

"Yo what up dad!!!" Philip said, flashing a peace sign and adjusting his Nike mild-calfs.

"This is 1801!!!!!!!! Nike mid-calfs haven't even been invented yet!1" Screamed GWash, who was currently dropping 1776DOF!ATCM's new mixtape on Datpiff.

Alex was still confused. "I have a son?" He asked extremely perplexed bc he hated those whippersnappers who were always on their god damn rants about anti-federalism.
"We have a son?" Said, Eliza who apparently had been there the whole time but wasn't listening because Laurens, her new bf, wanted to make out with her.

"Why do you look just like me!!!!!!????? like.....we get it you SMOKE WEED!!!!! stop copying me" Laurens screamed at Philip.

Philip looked at Eliza. " Mom!!!!! Can I punch him in the face???"

Eliza was definitely the most confused out of all of them, since she didn't listen to 1776 Directions of Federalism! At The Cabinet Meeting's last album. "SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE A SON? DIDN'T HE DIE????!!!!!!????"

"everyone SHUT THE F UP!!!!! we need to start up the band again so we can stop jefferson!!" Washington intervened.

"U right, u right." Angelica agreed. "But where tf is battle of the bands this year anyway??"

"That's the problem...." Exclaimed James Madison, who had been secretly stalking Angelica bc he was in love with her. "It's in Virginia this year."

"Well fuck THIS!!!!. I HATE VIRGINIA!!!!!! peace out my homies" Alex said unenthusiastically, about to storm off.

"WAIT. AARON BURR JUST DM'ED ME AND HE SAYS THAT HE WANTS TO HAVE A DANCE OFF WITH ALEX" Washington said showing everyone Twitter profile on his 13" MacBook Pro.

"Where'd you get that? I thought it was 1752????" Philip pointed.
"It is?? Isn't it 2015" Laurens sobbed.

"Someone PLEASE tell Anthony Ramos to stop talking to himself!!!!!! It's annoying af." Angelica screamed.
"I'M IN." Hamilton said, hitting that whip and nae nae. "but how tf are we gonna get to Virginia???"
"We're in virginia." Eliza pointed out.
"Oh yeah!" Hamilton said. "New York was a shitty city anyway."
Everyone agreed and then they all went to Jefferson's house to roast him. He cried for like 3 weeks straight bc Jefferson is a weak motherfucker.

1776DOF!ATCM then went on the world's most successful tour in the history of the American Revolution ever. Aaron Burr cried because Lafayette, another emo af fan of 1776DOF!ATCM, stole his secret diary in which he was writing a list of extreme dance moves to beat Hamilton with. Angelica and Laurens got married, leaving james Madison to run the band with GWash. Hamilton, Eliza, and Philip lived a happy-ish life together in London even though they don't really know if Philip's actually their son or not. Laurens, hercules mulligan, and GWash later had the hottest threesome ever and it was so sexy that Peggy schuyler won battle of the bands.