The Worst Hamilton Fanfic Ever

Part 2

Washington came backstage, finally done with the last show of 1776 Directions of Federalism! At the Cabinet Meeting's world tour to see Philip Hamilton and Angelica Schuyler making out, meanwhile Hamilton was shooting up some heroin because he's emo af and 1776DOF!ATCM's new mixtape is hella depressing. "yo, what the FUCK!!!!!!!" he screamed at no one in particular, punching philip in the face. "What the hell, Washington? Get your own sugar daddy!!!!" Angelica yelled, helping Philip up and taking out her iPhone 6 Plus to see if her extreme amount of black eyeliner was still on.

"Where do people keep getting those!!!!!??????? I thought it was 2005?" Hamilton asked, throwing his needle behind him.

Washington sighed, bc hamilton was the stupidest out of all his children, next to Peggy schuyler. "Son listen................it's 1781." Alex nodded completely entranced by GWash's hot bod.

Suddenly, they all heard random and really bad beatboxing in the distance, which could only mean one thing...............it was someone who was really bad at beatboxing.
When the person they thought was Jame Madison walked in, Hamilton IMMEDIATELY threw GWash's microphone at his head. SIKE!!!!!!! it was.....................John Laurens !

Hamilton rushed to Laurens side. "Oh SHIT!!!!!!! Sorry babe!!! I KNOW let's all have a threesome to fix it!!!!!"
John pushed him away because tbh Alexander was ugly af. "Get off me HOE!!!!!!!!! I'm straight for Eliza now. Plus there are like...........at least 4 of us here rn."

"ok alright then..........I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hamilton ran away to go do more illegal drugs.

"Wait a second, where IS Eliza??? she promised me we'd have hot lesbian sex later." Angelica asked throwing an empty beer bottle at the wall, outraged.

"London" Philip replied.
Laurens agreed. "She's in London fucking King George."
"We're in london." Washington shot back, annoyed bc Philip was way smarter than him.

"Yeah, virginia, that's what I said asshat." Anthony Ramos said, shoving the copy of the battered copy of Common Sense - which for some reason kept getting thrown at people a lot - into Angelica's face

"Great. then let's go to new york to find that stupid hoe!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alexander said, who had somehow mysteriously came back during that conversation.

"Not so fast, loser squad......" A booming voice said from across the room. They all already knew who it was...............Thomas 'racist asshole' Jefferson.

"ACTUALLY.......we go by 1776DOF!ATCM. exclamation point." A disheveled looking girl with super ugly brown hair pushed Jefferson out of the way.

The group stared in confusion until angelica spoke up. "Eliza?!?!!!!!!!???? how tf did you get here from london???"

"You're in London." She replied defiantly. "Anyway I'm back bc after John....." She glared at him for a solid 5 seconds. She continued. "....Did that thing that we don't talk about, I was like 'shit!!!! tf do i do with my life now??' so i decided to convince Jefferson to join the band again." She gestured to the creature known as Jefferson who had currently found GWash's iPad Pro and was blasting Hotline Bling by Drake. "Drake is shit!!!!!!" Eliza yelled at him, throwing a copy of Common Sense by Thomas Paine at him.

Philip stood up ready to FIGHT HER. "Mom!!!!! We don't want him here!!!!! GET THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUTTA HERE"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and you're ACTUALLY my son. What else is new???" She said sarcastically, slapping Philip in the face. "We CAN'T lose another battle of the bands to peggy!!"

GWash scoffed. "Who said you should do the talking here??? this is 1801. women don't have rights!!!!!"
"True!" Said John, who high fived Gwash.

"holy shit, i fucking LOVE john......" Alex sighed. "His eyes are so beautiful..........."
Eliza walked over to him and punched him. "Shut up Alex. No one likes you.. Also, stop saying we're married because I'm gay as hell for Angelica."

Angelica finally intervened. "GUYS!!!!!!! we have a real fuckin problem on our hands. Aaron Burr wants to wants to challenge 1776DOF!ATCM to a sing-off."

"How do you know that??????" Jefferson asked, who was now playing his own shit mixtape he made on 8tracks, despite it being 2005. "Y'all bitch-ass white boys can't even RAP anyway." He put his middle finger up at them because slavery was kinda his thing.

"........All of us are literally black or Latino............" James Madison awkwardly replied. Eliza would've commented on that but she was too busy sucking off Hamilton.

Laurens finally spoke up after fucking Hamilton and Eliza right in front of everyone. "Burr doesn't even HAVE a boy band, and if he does, IT'S FUCKING SHIT. we don't even have to challenge him because we'll win anyway.

"UHHH 1-800-NO ONE ASKED, TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!!! stop being so fucking salty." Philip yelled, pushing Jefferson out of the way to change the music. "Burr's outside. He just DM'ed me."
Angelica smacked Philip. "Twitter is so offensive!!!!!!"



"Guys, wtf are we gonna do????" Hamilton screamed, as the group of federalists saw Burr from across the parking lot.

"HA! That's right, what ARE you gonna do, Alexander 'i like to make money get turnt' Hamilton!!!!!!?????!" Burr smirked.

"Well........I mean...... we were gonna do you.........." Hamilton replied.

GWash came to his aid. "yeah, like.......we were all planning on having an orgy and doing LSD.......so if you wanna join us......."

Burr looked extremely confused until Peggy schuyler threw Jefferson's mixtape at him. "SAY YES!!!!!! THEY'RE ALL HOT."

"If someone throws another god damn shitty mixtape I'm gonna light myself on FIRE!!!!!!" Eliza said causually.

"Yeah, I guess the annoying schuyler sister is right.......Sing-offs are dumb and immature. LET'S FUCK!!!!!!" Burr replied.

And so, the members of 1776 Directions of Federalism! At the Cabinet Meeting (plus Aaron 'crybaby because my daughter died' Burr) had a great night of extremely hot Schuyler sister incest and illegal drugs. And 1776DOF!ACTM released a new mixtape! It was fire and better than jefferson's. no one really knows where london/virginia/new york is or what year it is. Philip hamilton is still having a parental identity crisis. Hercules Mulligan is still M.I.A.
To be continued..........?????????