if life was free ( black butler fanfic )

chapter 4

I think to myself walking around the garden, I hate myself and now I bet Ciel hates me too. I'm so hard on myself because I need to be, i need to be better. I'm all alone now. I fall to the ground I just sit there not crying, , not thinking I just sit there motionless. I herd footsteps behind me I didn't care who it was, I just stayed there. Ciel sat right beside me, I close my eyes. "look at me" he said with a little anger in his voice. I look at him. "Why?"he said. I look back down,from his question. "Tell me" he said, I lost control and I regret what I did." Why do you think" I yelled as loud as I could. He hugged me. "I don't need your care or sorrow for me, I don't need anybody" I didn't move when I said that nether did Ciel. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that" damn it, I'm becoming weak again. "Look at me" he said again. So I did. " please tell me why and when" it was silent for a minute then I took a deep breath." 2 years ago, and because I'm stupid,ugly,fat,worthless,I'm just a waste of space. I look at Ciel and he was about to cry. "Don't cry I'm not worth it" " stop it" he yelled "stop treating your self like that. "Why should I, I told you I'm not going to hurt you again, I'm leaving" "if you leave you will be hurting me, can't you see that". A tear left my eye. " I'm going to go take a bath" I said walking away. I heard Ciel talking to himself as I did," why Chloe why, hurt your self can't you see how much you mean to me" I stopped and look at him he was sit on the ground looking at the ground about to cry.

I walk in to the bathroom I sat down in the bath. As I was washing myself I was thinking out loud, " why am I so ugly, my stupid self" I start to cry. " why am I so ugly, I worthless, just throw me away." There was a knock on the door. "Chloe" it was Ciel "yes" I said stopping my tears. "What's wrong" I couldn't control myself it just came out. " I'm worthless, just throw me away." I grab my knife and razor and I look at my wrists there's no room so I go to my thighs I start to cut, "chloe, what are you doing in there?" he asked it was silent then he broke down the door, I don't even look at him I just keep doing what I'm going. " stop, please stop". Ciel says crying, I look at him, " do you love me?" I asked knowing the answer, no. He just stayed silent " that's what I thought" I said. I didn't even care that I was naked and he was behind me I know he was just looking at my hands and thigh. He just looked at me with tears in his eyes. " I'll stop for now but don't act like you care" I said standing up letting the blood run down my leg. He turned around after handing me a towel. " thanks now get out" I said a little mad. Ciel left the bathroom but waited on my bed. I left the bathroom with the towel around me. Ciel had a nightgown on the bed and there was a note.

Chloe,
I care about you so much and I hope you know that, I had to do some work in my study but if you want you can come in and we can talk and if you want you can sleep in my bed its big enough for the both of us.
And I do love you I'm just not sure how yet. I'm sorry please forgive me with everything I've done, we should have stayed close to each other through the years.

-ciel

I thought to myself, he is the only thing I have left, he has always been there for me. I need to apologize too I shouldn't worry him with my self harming, he has more important things then me.

I walked to his study I knocked on the door, before I heard a come in I looked a the time on a clock 10:36 its late I thought. "Come in" I heard ciel say. I walked in, the nightgown I was wearing cut off mid thigh so you could see my cuts I quickly sat down to hide my thighs and I put my hands behind my back. " you don't need to hide or be ashamed of them in front of me" he said looking at my wrists. I put my hands on his desk. "Good, you know I love you right?".

Hi my little demons I'm sorry I know there's short chapter's.
-ciel_lover 3561