Broken (Disappeared #2)

Chapter Eleven

Ahuil pulled away and Theodosia abruptly came back to reality. He ran a hand through his rumpled brown hair and took a deep breath.

"I got kind of lost for a moment. Am I going too fast? Usually by now you say something about preserving your honor."

She snorted nervously. "Anything that involves touching is improper in England. Holding my hand is improper."

"I guess what we're doing is pretty scandalous, then."

"I'm afraid so." She looked away from his eyes. "But in your world we're only just beginning, aren't we?"

Ahuil smiled crookedly at her, took her hand, and led her over to a fallen log. They sat side by side, fingers linked. "Talk to me instead."

She felt her face fall in disappointment. While she wanted to honor her own limits, she still felt a bit awkward in imposing them, especially if Ahuil was used to something different.

He stroked her cheek softly with the back of his hand. "Whether we talk or kiss makes no difference to me. I want to go at your pace, okay?"

She nodded, secretly relieved. The kissing could lead to all sorts of things she wasn't sure she was ready for. Talking she could do. Mostly.

He moved closer and put his arm around her waist. She laid her head on his shoulder and for a moment they simply stared into the forest. It was one of the last intact parts left. Crickets chirped in the dense underbrush and owls hooted in the distance. Fireflies darted around them, winking in the velvet darkness. Beyond was a hint of the light from the half-being structures, but it wasn't oppressive.

Theodosia felt the stress of the day draining out of her. She sighed and nestled her face against his neck. His long hair tickled her face.

"Do you miss home yet?" Ahuil asked in his deep voice.

She wondered at his question. Did he doubt his decision to ask her to stay ... again?

"Parts of it," she replied hesitantly. "I miss Louisa quite badly. My heart aches whenever I see Yoltzin. She reminds me so much of my sister. I miss Sarah, too, and our talks." She thought for a moment. "Is it terrible that I miss the stability? I was never terrified in Helenshire. Bored and unfulfilled, perhaps. Lonely. But never afraid. I am not sure I'm suited for this much excitement." She looked up at him. "I wasn't happy in England and now I'm not sure if I'm completely happy here. Am I ungrateful?"

Ahuil kissed her forehead. "You're not ungrateful. You're overwhelmed and you have good reason for that." He paused. "Did you imagine it would be this bad? When you decided to come back?"

"I think so. I ... honestly I wasn't imagining much beyond how my parents and Louisa would feel."

Ahuil took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Great..."

"Please don't worry," she said quickly. "You told me not to come back. And I did anyway. It was my decision. Anyway, I have something here that I would never have found in Helenshire. Something I wanted so badly."

He frowned. "What's that?"

"To be known for once," she replied, looking away. "As who I really am. And who I can be."

A slight smile spread across his lips. "Do I do that? Little old me?"

"Yes, you, silly." She sat up straight and elbowed him in embarrassment. "You see me as a person capable of things beyond marrying the right man and wearing the right gown. And you love nature like I do, and you want to live life in your own way. Thank goodness that's possible here. In England you can't exist outside of society."