Broken (Disappeared #2)

Chapter Sixteen

Xochitl and Ahuil stared at Theodosia as if she had just said they should go to the moon.

"What?" Ahuil said. "First, it's probably not even possible. Second, we can't just jump ship."

"Why not?" Xochitl said, eyes flashing. She stood up and crossed her arms. "Do you think I want to let Yoltzin disappear? Maybe you feel some sort of loyalty to this place, but this place is not loyal to you. You have been effectively cast out to die. Why should we be loyal to a people who do that?"

Ahuil shook his head. "Are we going to bring everyone else over too or just let them fade away? And what about the idea that maybe we're supposed to fade away?"

"How can you say that?" Theodosia jumped up too and stared down at him. "My very presence here goes against the natural order of things. And yet you can't let me go. There is no way I'm going to let you die because you think it's the right thing to do."

He slowly got up and stared down his two opponents. "And what are we going to do in England? Have you thought that through?"

Theodosia shrugged. "I don't know. Does it matter? We'll be alive. My family has influence in our county. I can find employment for Xochitl and housing for her and Yoltzin—"

"And me, am I to wait on you like a servant?" he interrupted, eyes flashing.

Her face flushed hotly. "Certainly not. I don't know what will happen. But I am offering you life, not punishment. Ahuil, listen to me."

"I can't believe both of you want to escape," he said, walking away.

"We have no choice!" Xochitl exploded. "I am not staying here to die. I don't care what is natural. That Theodosia is here to save us is a miracle. That you, Ahuil, found love is a miracle. And you want to let her die? How can you be so selfish?"

Ahuil whipped around. "You have no right to talk to me about my private affairs," he yelled. "This is none of your concern."

"Damn right it is! You're my friend and so is Theo. I want the best for both of you." Xochitl went up to him and stared at him unblinkingly. "I think you've been alone for too long. You think you don't need anyone. You're lonely and you need someone but you're too afraid to admit it. And what's more, you feel you failed your brothers and now you just want to give up. Admit it!"

Ahuil stood stock still during the speech, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I've heard enough," he said. "I'm going to sleep before I say something I regret."

He turned away but Theodosia followed him. "Talk to me," she pleaded. "Don't shut me out, Ahuil."

"I can't talk right now," he said, walking off. "Leave me alone, Theo."

He headed towards the back of the tree and curled up under some blankets. The two women were left to stare at each other helplessly.

Xochitl gestured to Theodosia. "Leave him," she whispered. "He needs time to cool down."

They sat side by side at the entrance to the tree, watching the world grow dark. Lights flickered in the new city, more brilliant than the street lights that Theodosia had seen in London. Ghostly figures drifted in and out of the trees and buildings, walking with a sense of purpose that seemed counter to the murky nature of the world they inhabited. The horseless carriages screeched and purred and signs blinked in the dark.

Theodosia drew her knees in and hugged them tight, trying not to think, while Xochitl absently braided her long, wheat-colored hair. After a few minutes they heard snores reverberating from the back of the cave. The two women exchanged tiny smiles.

"I want you to know that whatever Ahuil decides I will get you and your daughter through the portal," Theodosia said. "I won't let her stay here."

Xochitl smiled and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, my love. I am so grateful to you."

They separated. Theodosia looked at the palms of her hands. "I don't know what to do. Xochi, I love Ahuil but I refuse to die here with him."

She looked into the dark brown eyes of her friend. "I came here from Helenshire because I wanted to live the life I had always wanted, one full of love, adventure, and purpose. I knew things weren't well but I certainly didn't come here to die." She bit her lip, trying to force back tears. "If I have to go back to England and live my old life I will, if only to see the forest again, to feel the earth under my feet. Nothing is worth dying for, even Ahuil. And yet my heart is breaking. I cannot leave him, but I cannot stay either. What should I do?"

Xochitl grasped her hands in hers. "Theo, you have to make the best choice for you. But no one is asking you to sacrifice yourself, especially Ahuil. He's just torn between you and his home. That's why he's acting out."

"Why does he behave like that? Everything is as it should be and then he pulls away."

Xochitl grimaced. "He can be complicated sometimes. I think it all started with his brothers. When he was really little, he was always trying to impress them. He'd catch a big toad in the pond or bring them a strange rock or boast about a new path he found. But they were older, bigger, and stronger than him. Anything he could do, they could do better."

"So he retreated?"

"Exactly. He receded into himself. He spent more time hunting on his own, learning how to use different plants as food or medicine, fishing, exploring the woods. I became his only friend, I guess because we never felt the need to compete with each other. Still, we drifted apart when I got older. I partnered with Cualli and had a child. And Ahuil kept to himself, not making new friends or taking lovers."

Theodosia rubbed her eyes. She suddenly felt very tired. "If you couldn't get through to him, how can I?"

"Honey, I wish I knew. Romantic love sometimes has a way of breaking down barriers. Be patient with him. Ahuil is being emotional and impulsive right now but he's fundamentally a decent, rational man. He's been through a lot lately and he's not thinking straight. Give him time."

Xochitl gave her a half-smile and began combing out the plaits in her hair with her fingers. The fair skeins gleamed in the low light. Theodosia watched her for a moment as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"What if he doesn't come to his senses?" she said finally. "We haven't been acquainted that long. I cannot expect him to choose me over his people or his principles."

"I wouldn't say you and Ahuil have an ordinary connection," Xochitl said with a smirk. "I've never seen two people so head over heels for each other in such a short period of time. It's kind of weird, actually."

Theodosia laughed. "Thank you?"

"I'm joking. Mostly. Listen, just have a little faith. I know Ahuil better than anyone and I've never known him to fall in love. Suddenly you come along and he changes into a completely different person. It's almost as if he was waiting for you. I don't think he's going to pass on something like this. He's emotional but he's not stupid, you know?"

She rubbed her friend's back. "You going to be okay, Theo? You look like somebody stole your baby."

Theodosia sighed. "I'm quite all right. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be talking so much about my problems when you must be missing your daughter so badly."

The other woman looked away. "It's okay. I'm trying to have a little faith. That's all we really have anymore, you know?"

Xochitl's words stayed with Theodosia as she lay down next to Ahuil later that night. She was afraid to touch him for fear of waking him, even though she wanted to. He badly needed his sleep. Instead, she lay on her back and stared up into the blackness, listening to his breath. It was so deep and steady, it calmed her somewhat. In the middle of all this insanity at least you could count on a few automatic things: breathing, hunger, and, maybe, love.

Sometime in the night she woke. Ahuil's arms encircled her and drew her close to his chest. The familiar piney, smoky smell of him filled her nose and almost brought her to tears it was so comforting. He nuzzled the top of her head, murmuring as he did so, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

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