Broken Together

Chapter 14

Cassie's POV

    I feel warmer this morning, and it takes me a bit to remember what happened. I feel a weight on my body and see Bucky's metal arm draped around my shoulder and I hear his heart beating through his chest. I begin to panic and slowly move out from under his arm, but then I remember what happened and I relax myself back into his body.

I listen to his breathing and allow my body to rise and fall with his chest. Compared to me, he is so huge. This is like hugging a giant teddy bear, with the exception of the metal arm. It sets a weird feeling in my stomach, but it's nothing bad...I don't think.

He shifts a little and yawns. I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I feel him move and I know he is looking at me. I want to let him know that I feel sake here, but I am too scared to actually speak to him. I cuddle closer to him, and after a quick moment of stiffness, I feel his metal arm pull me closer. He rubs my arm and I can feel his face lean against my head.

    I open my eyes and continue to lay still. I don't want to move from this spot, this moment makes me safe. I feel safer than ever before. I don't understand what is happening to me. The warm feeling I have is brand new; like nothing I have ever felt before. Of all the times I woke up with a man in bed with me, this is the first time I have never felt empty, cold, or alone,

    "Good morning," I finally hear my quiet whisper leave my lips.

I wait to hear a response, but I am not sure if he went back to sleep or not. I feel his face lift off my head, and listen to the sudden intake of breath, "Good morning. How are you?" The sound of his morning voice scratching his throat. He has a much deeper voice than normal, but it makes me feel even safer around him.

"Doing better. My arms kind of ache." I remember waking up and seeing Bucky's face and seeing the light in his eyes fade as he saw the blood dripping from my wrists. The way he had gently taken my arm and placed it in his metal arm. He didn't want to hurt me then, and he still doesn't want to now.

"That's good. May I see your wrists, please?" I slowly sit up, putting as little pressure on my arms and wrists as possible. He helps me sit up, and then takes my hands into his own, just as gently as he had done that night. He flips my arms over to look at the wrists and the sight is horrifying to me. I look away, ashamed that I had done this, but more ashamed that he has to see this. I can't bring myself to look at him. I know it's a disgusting sight. I don't even say a word, we sit in silence for what seems like a very long five minutes.

I wait for him to break the silence, but his actions shock me the most. He brings both wrists to a meeting point for his lips, and he kisses each scratch, and rubs across them gently. Then he does break the silence, "We need to clean and bandage them up. Come here." He gets up, still holding both my arms, and we walk to the sink in the bathroom.

He moves one arm to the sink and runs water over it. He grabs some soap and lightly dabs at the wounds, then rinses off the soap. He does the same for the other arm and then takes a towel and wraps up both arms to dry for a bit.

He takes me back to the bed and helps me sit down. Then he walks towards the door, and before leaving he turns around and says, "Wait here. I'll be back. Okay?"

I nod my head and he leaves. A couple minutes pass by and I take my chance to look at the cuts myself. I take care as I softly touch the places where the water burns in my skin. I look around the bed and find a knife sticking out from under the bed, and I pick it up. It has dried blood on it, and the sight makes me tear up. I feel so ashamed again. I don't remember doing this, and I don't know why I would do it now. It makes no sense.

I hear the door handle move and the door move forward, but I don't acknowledge the sounds. I continue to look at the knife and I can't keep the tears from falling. I close my eyes and let my tears out. I listen for the sound of footsteps walking towards the bed, but his silent steps never reach my ears. I feel Bucky's hand on mine, and the knife is gone from my hands. The memory of it lingers in my mind and the feel of the blade in my hand still burns my skin.

I still have my eyes closed and keep myself from looking at Bucky for as long as possible. However, he keeps on going. He does something with the knife and then begins to bandage my wrists. When he is done I can feel him back away and I just sit here in the silence. I wait to see if he will break the silence again, but he doesn't.

"I'm sorry for causing so much trouble to you. You deserve to be free from responsibilities for a while." I let the words sink in my head. My voice sounds different than usual. I sound completely empty and drained.

The bed sinks down next to me again, and I see his leg out of the corner of my eye. He exhales a little loudly, and the sound makes me cringe a little. "Cassie, I'm not mad. Well, I'm not mad at you. HYDRA has hurt so many people and it hurts me that they drove you into this." His rough voice against the silence is more than I was expecting.

"I'm sorry." The tears fall again and he lifts my face to meet his gaze.

"You have nothing to apologise for. You understand? You did nothing wrong. Even if you did, I am sure that I would still work as hard as I am right now to keep you safe. They will never hurt you again. If they do, then I will personally take a bullet to the head, or leave and find someone that is more capable of taking care of you, and can ensure your safety." He breathed heavily and I finally allow myself to look at him. The tears blur my vision but I can still see his sad face.

With no hesitation, I throw myself in his arms and throw my arms around him. I hug him hard,  and he gently hugs me back. I start crying and I feel him stroking my hair as I slowly drift off to sleep.

"I told Natasha you aren't feeling good. She was gonna come, but I said I would ask you first." Bucky continued to hold on to me as I cried. "Would you rather have Nat?" I quickly shake my head and hold onto him tighter. "Okay then, I won't leave you."