Once Again, Again Always

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ive kicked it- this addiction-
but i want the room to spin again

                    to feel it

the euphoria, the rush,
and i never want to let go again

                     to feel it

flying from my withered grasp-

and yet i stop.

because, despite this addiction,
i never want it to be by my hands

that it dies again

by my callouses,
by my knobbed knuckles,

that i never feel it

over
         and

                  over
                     again.

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