bottled up

Bad day

You're it having a bad day
If it's just a bad day why don't you try it I have been living like this for years. The last few weeks have been the worst for me, I had to stay off of school because I was so down I physically couldn't move. I couldn't breath. I was alone, enveloped in my own thoughts my thought were of sadness. Suicide. I had been thinking about it for a while and I still am although I am too scared to do anything about it. I'm scared that if it doesn't work out the way I want that I'll be that girl, the girl that failed her own death. The girl that should be gone. The girl that is wasting her life because she doesn't do anything anyway, no matter how much she wants to. Today I realised something, I really do miss my dad. No matter how many times I tell myself I don't want to see him or speak to him, I miss him. I broke down in tears when we were speaking about my attendance in class, the last time I seen my dad was on thanksgiving it was the first time in almost a year but the school didn't know that they thought I was off because I was going out to dinner which I was. In my country we don't celebrate thanksgiving but my dads family do, he invited me down and I actually had fun. He had moved house but I was unaware, he looks different with a beard now he is also going grey. I seen my dog too she was so happy to see me, people find it weird at how close I am with my pets but it's because they don't put me down they can't say hurtful things or even talk but they converse with me daily. I know it seems strange but if I'm crying it is almost as if they are about to, animals are more loving than most of us humans these days. And that is the sad truth.