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Hey guys. Long Time no Chapter. Sorry about that. Anyways, today I want to talk about a more serious topic than I usually would. Emotional Abuse. Trigger warning for emotional abuse, suicide, self-harm, and depression in general

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So it's been about a month or so since I broke up with my ex. He was emotionally abusive and I noticed some of the signs and eventually he went too far and I broke up with him. Firstly, I want to say that I noticed signs really early into the relationship, but I ignored them. Do not ignore the signs. Some common ones are that the person is rude or mean to animals and small children, they blame everything on you, guilt tripping you, threatening to commit suicide if you leave them, being highly hypocritical, saying that everyone breaks up with them so you probably will too, if you catch yourself looking up what an emotionally abusive relationship is. There's a lot of signs. Secondly, don't ignore your brain and gut feeling. I knew i didn't feel happy around him, but I ignored it. Thirdly, not all the signs will come in the exact form they are described in. 

     Some of the signs I noticed with my ex were that he would be rude to animals and small children, he would say things like "I'd die if you dumped me." or "You're the only thing that stops me from committing suicide." or "You make it really hard to keep cutting." He would usually say the last one to me while he would be in the act of self-harming. I had asked him to not describe it or mention cutting directly as it's triggering for me, but he would often mention how bloody his sheets were getting or how nice it felt. He totally disregarded my request. Then he would expect me to comply with everything he asked me to promise him. He'd make me promise I wouldn't cry or have anxiety attacks or be depressed if he wasn't going to be able to talk to me for a while. And If I didn't promise these ridiculous things, he'd guilt trip me into it by saying things like "well I won't be able to focus on stuff if I have to worry about you the whole time." He would also expect me to text him all the time everyday and would start to send texts like "Oh and now she stops replying." if it took me over two minutes to reply. 

        So things continued on like this for a while. And then the weekend of Halloween, I had spent Friday not really texting anyone, except for an occasional response in the group chat. This was because I was having an especially depressing day. My ex told me that I just needed to be happy or else he would be sad. I ended up not talking to him at all after school. Then on Saturday, I didn't talk to him except for maybe two texts. I went trick or treating and then I went to a party my friend was hosting. There were five of us, most of us either identifying as girls or genderfluid. Four of us, including me, had a romantic partner. I stayed the night and didn't get home until about 1 in the afternoon. I texted my boyfriend and he completely freaked out on me. He demanded to know why I hadn't talked to him all weekend and when I said it was just personal reasons, he demanded that I tell him, because he willingly tells me everything. I declined, as the topic of my thoughts was mostly just how I would break up with him.  Now, after a while, I got pissed at his constant demand to know what I had been doing hit a peak when he accused me of cheating. When I explained to him that literally only one person at the party was single, and that they didn't like me, he said "yeah but she's a girl. You're bi. It's still a possibility." First of all, bitch, don't use my sexuality against me. Secondly, I would never cheat on someone. 

           After a lot more of him freaking out, I told him I was breaking up with him. And while I explained my made up reason, he started talking about how he was cutting right then and how he was going to commit suicide. He was basically trying to guilt trip me back into the relationship. So I put his contact on do not disturb and go to bed. When I wake up, I'm met with messages about how his attempt at overdosing on pills had failed. Now, me being me, I felt as though I had almost been responsible for someone's death. IF THIS EVER HAPPENS TO YOU, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL I PROMISE YOU. Luckily, I have amazing friends who, when I briefed them about the breakup, they all gave me hugs and validated my choice and assured me that if his attempt had worked, it wouldn't of been my fault. 

I guess the point of this chapter is to let you guys know that 1) if you ever need to talk to someone about a potentially abusive relationship, no matter what kind of abuse, message me. 2) If you were in or ever are in this kind of relationship, nothing that happened in it was your fault. I promise. 3) It gets better. That icky, uncomfortable feeling you get when you're in the relationship goes away and it's like the sun has risen. 4) Don't take shit from anyone. If someone disrespects you multiple times, even when you've asked them not to, ditch them.

I love you all homeskillets and I hope you never have to go through an abusive relationship. Have a good day/night. 

P.S. I'm now dating the one person at the party who was single and damn they are a zillion times better than my ex. It gets better.