pain that lies within

The beginning of a crush

I am terrified but hide it, I tell Marcus to wait for me out in the lobby, he smiles and walks away. I close my door, lock it and spend a few moments pacing back and forth in my room not knowing what to do and then I remembered, Melanie Martinez; "you got weights in your pockets when you go to the doctors."  So I do just that only that I am not dumb enough to put them in my pockets since I was once caught with them in my pockets so I tie them to the hem of my flowy pants and hide one in each shoe. Before I open the door to leave I remember to chug the two large water bottles that I keep in my room and then I leave, in fake confidence I walk right to weigh in. Oh how I detest this room, covered with its flower wallpaper and giant windows.  I hate the fact that my anxiety grows deeper here rather than in the cafeteria because this place I can never avoid. Looking around the room I couldn't find Nurse Wilson so I sat down on a bench to wait, and wait, and wait, I couldn't hold all of the water in me any longer no matter how hard I tried but to my luck Nurse Jackson came in and said she was going to weigh me this time.  She checked my pockets because of standard procedure and when she didn't find what she was looking for, I turned around and stood on the scale. "Wow nice work Cara, keep it up at this rate and you will be able to go home soon," I smile and walked out of there as fast as I could. I speed walk to the oh so needed bathroom, when I get out Marcus is waiting for me right outside the door.

    "How did you know I would be in here?" I asked

    "Black magic, nope just kidding I saw you speed walk in"

   "Oh" I say trying my best to mask the embarrassment in my voice.

  "So is drinking lots of water a requirement for all you ED patients?" he asks as we make our way down the hallway.

"Not all ED patients, but when it comes to weigh in day it is best to add as much water weight as you can, well that and this" I then untie the weights off my pants and take the others out of my shoes and show them to him.

   "What are those?" he asked

  "They are weights, but not ordinary exercising weights, these are used to be sown into the bottom of skirts to keep them from going up with the wind."

   "Sounds smart" he smirks at me and this strange feeling overcomes me, not sure if it was the beginning of a crush or if it was because I have met the only person in this prison that actually was not working on getting better, just working on getting out.

        We past the lobby and he keeps walking, I follow. He walks straight for the door and I follow, when he makes his way out, I hesitate to go because I felt like I was still not ready for the outside world but he grabs my arm and pulls me towards him so I am forced to follow. We start walking towards the same direction we walked the first time I met him and I wonder if we are going back to the tumblr inspired restaurant but once we pass it my curiosity deepens.

  "Where are we going?" I ask trying to get him to let go of my arm.

   He realizes he is still holding my arm, lets it go and replies "My death bed" 

   "What?" I now ask with the shock clearly painted on my face.

  "Just follow me."

         I follow as he passes roads and trees; we walk across a little piece of land that looks like it belongs in the woods to get to an abandon train tracks, or so I thought. "So your death bed is an abandoned train track" I say with clear sarcasm in my voice.

       "Nope, these right here are being used not for human transportation unless you are homeless, these right here are being used for the transportation of goods and one day I am going to have the pleasure of being crushed to death by a big train transporting goods to the world." He says as he jumps up and down on the tracks.

"How delightful, so why exactly am I here?" I ask trying to hide the fact that my heart is beating faster than it ever had before; I have finally met someone who is as messed up as I am so a smirk comes over my face without me realizing.

"What's the smile for?" he asks, by this time we are both sitting on the tracks waiting for the vibration of the goods carrying train.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because I didn't realize that you were as messed up as me."

"Oh trust me, I am way more messed up" he replies. 

"Oh yeah, prove it" I say with my first genuine smile since forever.  He gets up and runs further down the tracks and lies there, I feel the vibration of the train so I stand up and make my way to the grass but Marcus is still lying on the tracks. I see the train get closer and closer so I scream his name but he doesn't move, when the train made it closer he gets up and runs before it crushes him to death. I run towards him scared and realize that he is laughing "you seriously think this is funny, you scared me half to death" I say trying to catch my breath. "I didn't know you cared and I told you I was messed up."

"How would I not care? If you die who is going to eat my muffins?" I say and at that point we both look at each other and start laughing. We make our way back to the hospital in silence, once in the hospital we part our separate ways and called it a day.