Emerald Tulip

Chapter 14 Rehab

Chapter 14-- Rehab.

A couple weeks after I had been released from hospital, mum had driven me to a bus stop, where we had to wait for the bus that might or might not lead to my fate.

She waited with me until it came and I got on. I was clutching the bracelet that Piper had given me on my birthday, I kissed the emerald tulip-shape dangling off of it and said a silent prayer as the bus driver came out and helped me with my bags.

Mum waved as I got on the bus and settled into my seat, fiddling with the bracelet.

I drove off down the road to my supposedly new destiny. I had packed what I thought I would need the most: clothes, shoes, iPod and phone charger, actual iPod and phone, earphones, art book. I sat on the bus for three hours with my earphones in my ears ignoring the world that's outside my closed eyes and blocked ears. My head rested on the icy cold window, my balled up fist under my chin to support my head. My feet were tucked up under me, which they soon became dead and whenever I moved them I'd have pins and needles shooting up my feet, calves and thighs.

A girl named Sara sat next to me, though I didn't bother to talk to her, not her me.

The bus arrived through these big, black gates that opened automatically when I woke up and it drove down the long drive way thar had trees on the fringes of the drive way that sheltered the path to the rehab, a place called 'Hazelnut Grove Rehab for teenagers'. It looked pleasant enough.

I often had fights with mum the last few days about her sending me away to god knows where and not letting me die like I wanted. I had to admit that I was being childish and I told myself to grow up and deal with reality. Everyone stepped off the bus one by one to see a woman. Headmaster of some sought, I guess.

"Hello. I am Grenada, and I am your main counsellor."

Oh, there you have it. Main counsellor.

"Make yourself at home and I hope you have a wonderful stay!" She projected and walked off without another word.

I snorted. Yeah right, I thought sarcastically.

I was shown to my room, which was about the size of the space of my confined room that I had at home.

I unpacked my things and went outside where everyone else was standing around getting to know each other. There were a few loners like me. The anti-social ones. I scoffed and walked back up to my room, not bothering with anyone, also not wanting to eat once people started to go to the mess hall for lunch.

I didn't want food, not with everybody staring at me. I was in my room for only about a minute before I heard a knock on my door. It opened and Grenada came in and closed the door behind her.

"You know? You really have to eat," she pointed out and I looked at my stomach, still thinking about everyone staring at me eating.

"Not with everyone looking at me," I said quietly.

"Ah! You look thin. I'll have something ordered up to you. In this place you have to feel comfortable before you get better."

"Sure," I answered shortly, half heartedly.

"So, why are you here, uh..."

"Ilah," I put in.

"Yes, Ilah, why are you here?" Her voice was light and soft, an assuring, understanding tone.

"Because my mum was worried."

"About..?" She asked.

"Because within the last year I've been in hospital three times and I've been self harming for about three years. Nothing special, right? I'm just another depressed teenager that has attempted suicide twice and self harms herself." I was just another depressed teenager, I knew, but I hated being called that.

"Everyone is special in their own way. And everyone's story is different, it doesn't make the pain feel any worse or any better," She sounded cheerful, but full of sorrow at the same time. Seeing so many kids like me, who could blame her?

"Your food will be up soon. Oh, and don't forget to meet a group of kids downstairs in the room just across the mess hall this afternoon." She walked out the door and I heard her foot steps go down the stairs.

I sat there. Why was I here? I wanted badly to cry. I wanted my blade badly. But the room was like a padded room; a bed, a closet, a desk. The usual bedroom essentials. I hadn't taken any pictures with me. I felt my family couldn't stand to look at me at the moment. So I couldn't stand to look at them knowing what pain I had caused them. I collapsed back down onto my bed and rolled over, face buried in the pillow. I fell asleep by the time that the food was brought up and the maid woke me up gently. I woke fatigued and reluctant to face the world, knowing that I have to live another day. I didn't want to wake up.

I was told that I had to gain my potential weight that was required for my height while I was supposed to stay in this god forsaken place.

Being here was also meant to help my depression, cutting and my suicide attempts. I actually wonder if being in this place would actually help. I didn't WANT to be here. I wanted to be dead, but I guess God or whoever is out there has other plans for me.

I needed to desperately find out, because my life is heading no where unfortunately and I needed to figure out why my life is so "precious".