Hotel Ceiling

April 23, 2016

I heard that time can heal a broken heart. I'd never had one before so I never knew if it was true or not. Now, I can tell you that it is true. Time gives you a chance to look back on what happened and learn to live with how things went down. Time is a beautiful thing. It gives you a chance to be in a state of sadness and then gives you the option to stay there of push through. I decided to push through. Five months ago, I would have cried and did things that I promised I had stopped doing. But today, I am sitting across from a man that I care about. A man that I can be myself with. But who he is isn't the important part. It's who I've become.

I've gotten more confident and I can honestly say that I am happy with the man that I have become. Being cheated on hurt and I was at a low point in my life. I was ready to end it all, on some days. Other days I found myself rolling around in bed with my best friend. These days, I just find myself happy. I can't say the same for everyone that was involved in the situation. I'd actually ran into Sehun a few times. Turns out he isn't as young as I thought and he lived not too far from me. He'd ended things with Baekhyun but ended up getting back with him after a while. Apparently, Baekhyun is committed but I wouldn't put anything past him anymore.

I still don't have a relationship with Baekhyun. We tried to work through things and get back on track but it hurt more than I thought it would and we cut ties. Knowing that he slept with my boyfriend hurt me more than knowing Jongin slept with him. Baekhyun had been my rock. My foundation, even. Yes, I had been madly in love with Jongin but he could have never replaced my best friend. Speaking of best friends. Chanyeol. Chanyeol is pretty much perfect. We still live together and everything is going well between us. We may have a few petty arguments here and there but overall things are great.

But that's not what anyone wants to know. People want to know who I'm dating. Everyone asks me who I'm seeing, these days. They want to know if I've moved on. I am seeing someone. I have been for a while. It's not an official relationship. We both know that I am still trying to figure things out. We are free to see other people and I do. I'm not ready to be tied down again. He knows that and he respects it.

Who is he? That's what people keep asking me. But I like to keep that to myself. I want to keep it a secret and protect it from everything that could go wrong. Funny how I'm trying to protect a relationship that isn't even monogamous.

His hand squeezed mine and I looked up at his eyes. "What's wrong, baby? You look like you're thinking about something."

I shrugged and smiled. "Nothing, just thinking about how much has happened in these past months. You, me. I never thought we'd be sitting here like this. It's a nice feeling, though. I'm just thinking about how I'm actually happy. A lot of that has to do with you."

A smile broke out on his handsome face and he gave my hand another squeeze. "I'm happy too. Even if I can't really call you mine, just being here with you makes me happy. I stopped trying to see other people. I know we agreed that it was okay and that doesn't mean that I'm expecting you to do the same. I just know that I'm not looking for anyone else. I'm fine with what we have."

Slowly, I nodded and brought our hands to my mouth and kissed the back of his hand. "I promise that one day I will have it all figured out. We've been through a lot. I just need a bit more time to make sure that we're doing the right thing. I don't want to jump into this and then we end up crashing and burning."

The other man nodded his head. "I understand. You don't have to explain yourself. I get it. We've got time. We don't have to rush this. I know that you've been hurt and I appreciate that you've even given me this much of your time. Whenever you're ready for more or if you decide that you'd rather look elsewhere, just let me know."

I didn't hesitate to lean over the table and kiss him slowly. God, it was crazy how you had to go through shit to find something good. But I'm smarter now and I won't fall for the same shit again. Not this time around. "Don't worry. When I make a decision, you'll be the first to know."

–

Work was tiring. School was even more tiring. This is my last year and it's the hardest one yet. I have a little over a month left and I'm terrified to go out into the real world. I'm afraid that I'm going to go out and fail. I'm studying business and I've always wanted to start my own business from the ground up. I've already been in talks with a few people about the dance studio that I want to start. I'm not much of a dancer but I've always admired people who had the talent to do so.

When I was younger, I always thought that I would do something with music. I figured I could be a music teacher or something but those dreams faded. I still love to sing but I know that it's not a job that will keep me stable. But I want to start the studio as a place that kids can go to and keep out of trouble. Plus, I have a few people who would be amazing teachers. Sehun, is one of them, actually. Despite the Baekhyun trouble, he's someone that I talk to from time to time and I've seen him perform and he spoke about wanting to teach dance.

Yixing is a friend that I've met recently and he is an incredible dancer and he said he'd be more than happy to be a dance instructor. Then there's Jongin. Trained in ballet and jazz and looking to teach as well. There was no way that I could say no to him joining. He would be great for the business and plus he is popular with the high school students and middle schoolers. A flower boy, if you will. Besides, it's not like we're on bad terms, right now.

We're all pretty serious about this and plan to start looking for a space next week. It's going to be a bit weird but I think it will all work out, in the end. I have a lot of money saved up and an investor. Well, a friend with a lot of money is more like it. So, finding a place shouldn't be too hard. Chanyeol is going to help with designing. Sehun and Jongin still have another year of school left. So, they will be teaching less classes than Yixing.

It feels good to know that I have help but I still can't help but to be afraid of what will happen. Was I dumb for starting a business with my ex-boyfriend, my ex-best friend's boyfriend, my friends and the guy I'm dating? Was this just a disaster waiting to happen? Well, only time would tell and I won't ever know if I don't try. This could end up being a massive success. Chanyeol thinks it's a great idea even though he might be seeing a lot of Sehun. The two had no problems with each other. They were both innocent in it all. Besides, the studio would be a Baekhyun free zone.

I quickly showered and got dressed in my pajamas. I slid into bed next to Chanyeol and cuddled up to him. He instantly wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to his chest. "Today was a long day. Ready to do it all again tomorrow?" He asked. I nodded and pecked his cheek. "Go to sleep, you giant." That night, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.