Something Always Brings Me Back to You

17) Answer Me This

SECONDS LATER, JUNE 2008
Sophie's POV

I walked. Fast. I walked as fast as I could out of that room. I couldn't be in there for a second longer. My throat constricted and my breathing became chopped and difficult. My hands shook and I clasped them together to try and steady myself, but nothing worked. My eyes became heavy and I felt them saturate with tears. I felt crushed.

Why? I didn't know why I had such a reaction. I mean, yes, Hannah was my best friend until this point. Wasn't it always off limits for a best friend to go after an ex? Especially an ex with whom I had such an awful breakup? Especially when she herself was in a relationship?

It had always hurt when I had seen him on TV, footage of him leaving a club with another girl or touching a girl while on vacation. But he was single. He had wanted to be single. Seeing your ex happy with other people - that was just a sore spot people always felt, right?

Had I misread the signs? I thought he wanted to be with me. I actually thought, for a brief moment, that we were on the path to recovery from that unforgettable night in London. I guess I was wrong. I had again let down my guard to this man who had such power over me just for him to stomp all over my heart - again.

"Soph! Soph," he said, running over to me. He sidestepped the edge of the couch I had plopped on to in the living room and sat next to me. He sat on the edge of his seat and turned to me. "Sophie, what- what that- what you just saw," I swallowed and bit my lip to stop its relentless quivering. He went on "That was not what you think. I didn't kiss her, she kissed me. I don't like her! I want you, mi a-"

It was at this moment, the moment when he dared to tarnish that beautiful word with yet another ugly fight, that I turned from staring at the floor to staring straight at him.

         

"Stop using that word!" I said exasperatedly, before coldly adding, "I'm not yours, anymore."

"Why can't you be? Come on, I still love you, Soph, and I know you still love-" I cut him off.

"No. It's just - I'm not - I'm not..." I mumbled off.

"Then why are you so upset Hannah kissed me?" He asked bluntly.

"You looked pretty involved in it too," I responded, avoiding the question.

"Answer the question, Sophie." Cristiano ordered sternly.

"I'm not upset. It's just... it's- it's weird, I mean, you're my ex, she's my best friend..." I stuttered as I rushed the words out.

No. Come on Sophie. Get it together. He's moved on. Get a grip.

Shaking my head, I swallowed, and said, "I overreacted. It's nothing. Not a problem. Please, get back to, uh, um..." I squirmed a bit in my seat before furrowing my eyebrows, the disgusting image of what I had just seen reentering my mind, and I stood up from my uncomfortable seat. I started walking towards the stairs when I heard his voice again.

"I can't wait forever, you know," he said solemnly. I stood still, my back facing him.

He continued: "I'll wait. I will, for now." He swallowed and added, "Moving on - how is it so easy for you?"

At this accusation, I quickly turned around and stared at him for a few infuriating seconds before and marching over to him. "Easy? You want to talk about how easy getting over our relationship is for me?!" I yelled. I couldn't contain myself any longer. Who is he to talk about how quickly I'm getting over our relationship? Unlike him, I couldn't forget it. I lived with a constant reminder of it every time I looked at my daughter. Everyday I wondered how something so beautiful could remind me of something so painful.

"Let's talk about that, Cris. Because getting over you wasn't easy for me." I finally admitted. "It still isn't."

"Clearly it wasn't that difficult for you. I mean, you slept with my teammate." He retorted.

I could feel my mouth gape. How could he think that? Ok, now I was infuriated. Unfortunately for me, he decided to twist the knife and continue. "How are you so mad about Hannah kissing me when you slept with another man, in fact one of my best friends!?" He bellowed.

My mouth held agape and I breathed out, not able to believe this crap I was hearing. "Ok, let's go through a few things, Cris." I was furious now.

"One, you are the one who hurt me in the first place. You are the one who slept with another woman, WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER! You are the one who said all those horrible, heartbreaking things to me that night in London." Cristiano just stared at me. I took a deep breath before continuing.

"Two, how many other women have you slept with since we broke up? You hardly have the right to be angry at me. I see you in the news all the time, leaving clubs with different women or on holiday with them. And please, spare me the lies. Don't tell me you were just talking with all those women, by the pool, in your shorts. And don't tell me you were just politely taking those skanks home at 2am, in your car, that drunk."

Cristiano looked stunned, dumbstruck by this rant. Even I was surprised. I didn't know I could get that angry and scream that loudly.

"And lastly," I yelled, "I didn't even sleep with Pepe. I didn't. I'm not ready, because I know I'm still not completely over you! And for you to even accuse me..." I shook my head, "anyway, the fact you think I could do that, with a man I barely know, in the same building as the man I loved... That in itself is an insult." I finally finished my rant. I was breathing heavily, my chest heaving. I took a few steps back, wavering and quivering as if I were about to fall backwards. I grabbed each of my forearms, pulling them close to my chest, shaking.

We just stood there, facing each other, for a good minute. Both shellshocked. Neither one of us knowing what to say or do next. The ticking time bomb that was me these past few days had finally exploded, and the damage was still unclear.

"You didn't sleep with him?" Cristiano finally squeaked out.

"No." I said quietly.

We stood there, silently for a few more seconds before Cristiano fell back on the couch, bent over his knees. His head was in his hands, his fingers covering his eyes.

"Why do you go out with him?" he asked me very quietly.

"Because I thought he would help me get over you," I peeped out honestly.

He looked up from his hands, staring into my eyes. In this moment I felt so vulnerable, like he could see straight through the front I attempted to put up into my soul. Then again, he always did have a talent for doing that.

"Why do you have to get over me?" He asked. God, he was like a small child. I loved him, but he never learned.

"You don't think I want to still be with you? God, that would be so easy! But I can't," I went from screaming to barely a whisper. "You don't think there's a tiny little voice inside my head, every day, calling me to you? Of course there is. But I have to listen to the voice of reason, telling me that our time has passed. And I truly believe that. Our time has passed, Cristiano. I'm sorry."

He didn't lift his head to look at me. His eyes stayed plastered to the floor. Nobody spoke for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, Cristiano spoke at last. "I'm not giving up. You're the one for me. I don't care what time thinks."

I slowly let out a deep breath.

"Fine."

—

What do you think? Should Cristiano move on, perhaps with Hannah? Should he keep pining after Sophie? Should Sophie realize what's right in front of her and give into the little voice inside her head saying 'follow your heart, you love him'?

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Love you all!

Lara

Xx