Every Heart's Point of View✔️

Like a Fool

Like a Fool

Two years. For two years I have been a fool.

I wanted to end everything. I wanted to get away from you. I wanted to free you.

But I couldn't.

I just couldn't. Because for some reasons I love being around you. I love being with you, and I definitely love having you. 

Selfish? I know.

I'm definitely not the perfect guy for you. Definitely.

"Have you told her yet?" a friend once asked.

I shrugged as a no. I've been practicing my speech towards you for a month now, speech of how to end everything between us.

But guess what? Whenever I got the chance to say it to you I would always end up speechless. Words are stuck in my mouth and my tongue would get tied. Just a single glance at your angelic face would make me want to forget everything. Yes, you have that effect on me, you always had.

"Kee?" I called.

"Hmm?"

"I have something to say," I said.

You stopped writing and lifted your gaze to meet my eyes. God knows how much I love the way you look at me.

"What is it?" you asked.

And there I was, distracted with your beautiful and angelic face. Distracted by your sapphire eyes and distracted by the way you look into my eyes.

Maybe these are the reasons why I couldn't say it to you, one of the reasons why I just couldn't tell it straight to you.

"I... I..." I stammered.

"Yes?" you patiently asked. You have always been patient with me.

"I... I... will you watch this Saturday's game?" And I lost it again.

You smiled like I've asked the most nonsense question on Earth. "Of course, I will. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm your number one fan, remember?" you said as you start to comb my then messy hair.

I was very much disappointed with myself. Just a week before I asked you that, I promised myself to end what's between us before the game. Oh, just what a fool I've been.

Saturday's game came, and like what you've promised, you were there.

Basketball was never your thing, not until you learned that I play. If you only knew how big that thing was for me.

Your cheer was the loudest or is it just me being drown in you. It's only you who got my attention. It has always been you.

Our team won.

I was too overwhelmed because of the game's result that I immediately ran towards you and gave you a hug.

"Congratulations, Austin!" you shouted because it was too loud inside the court.

I was taken aback when you suddenly kissed me on the cheeks. You always does that, but I couldn't get myself used to it. I could always feel the giddy and unexplainable feeling whenever you do that.

You broke the hug and spoke, "You're wet, go take a shower and change your clothes. You might get sick," you said sounding concerned.

I nodded and gave you a kiss on the forehead. In return you gave me your sweetest smile.

I sighed. How could I? How could I ever let you go when it's always like this?

I went to the mall the next day. I went alone for I wanted to give myself a break for all the stress you've been giving to me. My mission that day was to have fun alone and get you out of my system, even just for a day.

But fate must have played a joke on me, because that very same day and very same place I saw you.

I saw you holding hands and happily talking to another guy. The very same guy you held hands with last six months, the very same guy you hugged last year and the very same guy you kissed two years ago.

And again I felt the very same familiar feeling. The feeling of being stab a million times.

I exited the mall even before you could see me. Funny how the situation looks the opposite. Instead of you being afraid to be caught in the act, I was the one who was too afraid to let you know that I already saw you with another guy.

I love you that much that I couldn't let yourself be embarrassed with me.

I had always wondered how you would feel and react had I told you little earlier that I already knew you were cheating on me. I was very eager to know. I very much wanted to know.

"Have you told her yet?" the same friend asked.

Like the usual, I shrugged as a no.

"Then when will you tell her? Aus, she's been cheating with you for God knows how long!" he winced.

"I know," I lifelessly answered.

"If I were you, I'd definitely slap that slut even if I would look like a gay. I just can't understand why you can't get yourself out of that shit relationship. Aren't you even angry with her?"

I gave him no answer. How could I? How could I get angry when it's you?

Can we meet? I texted you and you immediately replied when and where.

I arrived 15 minutes earlier. The usual of course.

"Hi," you greeted as you arrived.

You were in your simplest jeans yet you were still beautiful. Greek deities or whatever people call them would be very jealous of you, that even if you were just in your jeans you're even more unbelievably beautiful than them.

I very much loved the view. You, sitting in front of me and smiling. But I just couldn't let myself get distracted this time. I couldn't and I won't let myself.

"Kee," I called your beautiful name.

"Yes?" you said still smiling.

"I'm breaking up with you," I said as fast as I could.

I saw how your face turned pale. Your happy aura suddenly shifted to sad. God knows how hard it was not to hug and comfort you. At that very moment, I wanted to take back what I've just said but I know it was too late.

"Austin, what 'breaking up' are you talking about?"

I was confused with your question.

"Oh God, you thought... Oh, Austin, you... you were my best friend," you said in your saddest tone.

"You were just my best friend," you added.

I couldn't move an inch. All this time, all this time I thought...

"But... you said you love me. During my 17th birthday, you told me you love me," I reasoned and tried to hide the hint of sadness in my tone. Sadness was not even enough to try to describe what was I feeling. 

"I... I was drunk, Austin. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I was left there, heartbroken.

And now, I would like to rephrase what I've said in the first part.

Three years. For three years I've been a fool.

I have been a fool for believing we had something. I have been a fool for believing that you loved me. And lastly, I have been a fool... oh scratch that, I am definitely a fool for loving you even until now.

Yes, I still love you.

I still love you like a fool.