Drakkon

Chapter Thirty-Four

"Empress. Empress."

My eyes fluttered open and I squinted for a moment before rubbing my eyes. It took me a small moment to realize that Remus was standing on the side of my bed. His gray hair was damp and his black-red eyes were focused on me. Even in the bright light of morning, with my mind frazzled from sleep, and my senses dulled due to waking up so abruptly, I could tell that something was off about him.

"Remus?"

His eyes were wilder than usual and his fingers were twitching.

"Where's Meilin?" I mumbled as I sat up and rubbed at my eyes. I kept an eye on him as I pulled my long hair back. The bed was empty save for me, and the room was empty as well, save for the both of us. Last I remembered, Meilin had told Remus that we were never supposed to be alone together.

Remus rubbed at his neck, his eyes frantically going from me to the door. "I . . . I'm not supposed to . . . I can't find Thera or Nikator or Minos or—" He inhaled sharply and frowned, tugging at the ends of his hair. "I can feel it. It's so strong and it . . . it scares me. I don't want to feel . . . I don't want to—"

"Remus, what's wrong?" I whispered, pushing the blanket off of me and sitting on the edge of the bed. I patted down the spot next to me and he reluctantly sat down. His shoulders were taut and he was having trouble breathing, his blackened eyes wide. I patted his back, not sure what he was trying to tell me.

He rubbed his forehead. "I don't want to feel it. I don't want to."

"Remus, what's wrong? I don't understand what you mean by 'it'. What is 'it'?"

He waved his hands around. "The feelings of . . . bad things."

"Bad things? Like premonitions?"

"No," he said quietly. "I can feel when people are bad."

"What do you—"

"I don't want to feel it," he mumbled. Darkness swirled around his hand and slowly, his claws were forming around his fingers. I gasped when I saw the transformation, watching as the blackened nails formed hook like shapes and the black markings swirled around his wrist. "It's so strong but Master said I can't hurt anyone so I have to be alone. I don't want to be alone and I can't find Thera or anyone."

"Remus—"

"You feel so calm and nice, Empress. I don't think that I should be with you but you actually feel like you care." He dug his claws into his forearm and hissed in pain, his eyes widening a fraction of an inch before his expression was contorted with pain. Still, he cradled his arm to his chest and kept his claws hooked inside, blood dripping around the wound.

I let out a choked sound and reached forward, grabbing his wrist and trying to pull his arm, my voice shrill. "Remus, what are you doing?!" I pulled at him but he was too strong and he kept his claws stuck in his arm. "Stop that, stop hurting yourself!"

He curled his fingers and winced, breathing in heavily. "I can't. If I stop, I might hurt someone and Master said I can't. It's hard to stop feeling . . . feeling like this, feeling it, so I have to stop it. Pain is the only . . . only thing that—"

My fingers dug into his biceps as I anxiously tried to pry his arm away. "Stop this, Remus, this isn't helping—"

"I don't want to," he whispered. "I can't—"

"Yes, you can. Don't hurt yourself like this. Please." I couldn't understand his reasoning for what he was doing, but I knew that there was a better way to solve this problem than stabbing himself. Inflicting pain on oneself was an unnecessary distraction. "Think about me and Atreus and Minos and Meilin, and every one of the Peccata. Focus on the love that people have for you. Focus on the positive things you feel."