Extreme Aversion

alone

I walk into my empty house once again. As I stand in the entry way , my bag drops off of my shoulder making a loud thump that I don't even hear. Walking into this house hurts. It makes my chest throb with despair. This house , my parents house , has been empty since I was eight. Its been eight years and I am still afraid. My head goes back to that night , against my will.
"Mom , can I play with my trucks ?" My mother smiles and nods her head , then goes back to her crossword. She was always so smart. She solved the crosswords no problem . I used to think she was the smartest person in the world, maybe even the universe. My chubby little legs ran to the toy box across the room and pulled out my favorite trucks. My face lit up in a large smile as I plopped down on the fuzzy carpet my mother insisted on keeping. I only got to play for about 15 minutes before the men burst into the room. I looked up , thinking that maybe my dad was coming home. I was wrong. Three men had come in and I didn't like them. I didn't like the way that they looked at my mom. The one in the middle , the one that looked even meaner than the others stepped towards my mom. I was worried, but I wasn't sure what to do.he stepped closer to my mom and grabbed her arm and for the first time , I saw her get angry. I could almost see fire in the eyes as she pulled her arm out of his grasp . I heard a loud smack before I realized that she had smacked him. There was a large handprint across his face , which was already starting to bruise. He. Get the fuck out of your head idiot , I growled to myself. I can't go back to that night. Not now. I don't need that , I'm already struggling.
I pucked up my bag again and carried up to my room. I don't know why I stay here if it hurts so much. Maybe I'm a masochist. Maybe I'm just not willing to let go of the good memories , along with the bad ones. Or maybe its the mere fact that this was my parents house, painful or not , they bought this house for me to grow up in. This is where they wanted their family to start , so who am I to move? To ruin their dream?