Christmas?
Christmas is the season to be happy and loving. but when you cannot find a reason to be happy, the season is no longer enjoyable. I fear winters. The dark nights and cold mornings. The sun setting earlier, leaving me to sit in my room for longer than normal. I fear myself more than anything. The sadness creeps up behind my back and suffocates me. The loneliness that I was able to keep under control, now has free reign because I have lost the motivation to control my thoughts. I am so scared of the thoughts that hide in my mind, waiting to strike me down. I am so scared of the never-ending words of self-hatred that build up in my head. I fear my own actions. I fear the silver paintbrushes that hide just within my reach. Christmas is the season for eating disorders and depression. At least, it is for me. I don't want to be this way anymore. I'm tired of fighting myself for control. I'm tired of pretending to be someone i'm not. I'm tired of being blamed for my grades. I'm tired of being the way I am. But nobody cares anymore. Merry Christmas, leave the presents on my grave cause that's where you'll find me next.
Excerpt From A Book I'll Never Write #16
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Stop Thinking Of Yourself, Asshole
Christmas. The season to be terribly depressed and alone. The season for everyone to forget you exist until New Year's Eve. The season to be terrified of the meals sitting on your plate in front of you. The season to wear long sleeves and not make up an excuse as to why you're wearing them. Everyone says this is a happy, jolly season. But they are only thinking of themselves. They aren't thinking of the millions of depressed people or the anorexic people or the suicidal people. Do you have any idea how tempting it can be to grab that strand of lights and make a simply noose? Do you know how triggering it is to be forced to eat. Or to have box cutters and knives all around you constantly? Do you know how terrible it is to have to sit through family visitations and have your anxiety through the roof? No, you don't. So quit thinking that holidays are always good.
Excerpt From A Book I'll Never Write #17
YOU ARE READING
You Don't Get It
Truyện Ngắn*TRIGGER WARNING* This book may be triggering to others. Read at your own risk. This book will be a series of short excerpts that I have written out of an emotional outburst.
