You Don't Get It

What Happened to My Home With You?

What Happened To Love?

The darkness is consuming everything in me. Every limb is broken. Every touch feels like fire. I can't breathe, I can't locate my lungs. I need a drug. Something to numb me out. I need you. You are my drug, as pathetic as it sounds. Make me numb. I need your touch. I need you here. You've become my lungs, I can breathe with you near. My long dormant heart beats erratically when you are near. I can't control my actions, my emotions, my feelings when I'm near you. But, when you hug her, kiss her, touch her, I collapse. My jealousy engulfs me, suffocates me. Don't you see what you're doing to me? When you're near her I can't help but wish I was what you wanted, not her. Why are humans consumed in such jealousy? I have become a prisoner to love. To jealousy. To hatred. To anger. I am shackled, helplessly locked up in the back of my mind. I have no control anymore. My demons are surfacing, I fear, forever.

Excerpt From A Book I'll Never Write #12

•••••••••••••••••••••

Home

You know that feeling at the end of the day when you just want to go home? Now just imagine feeling that all day, everyday. I feel like I have no home. I don't fit in or belong anywhere. My own house feels like some hell i'm destined to live in forever. I've never experienced a "home" feeling. I've never been in a place and felt like it was my home. Maybe that's the worlds way of saying i'm a fucking waste. I don't have to be on earth because i don't belong anywhere. I have no home, no purpose, no reason to stay alive. And lately, i've been feeling like death. And it's winter and that means everything gets worse. Constantly wearing long sleeves? No problem to hide things from the family that doesn't give a shit about you. :)

Excerpt From A Book I'll Never Write #13

•••••••••••••••••••••

You

My heart beats rapidly, uncontrollably, in my chest when I think of you. Like a humming birds wings. No, faster than that. And I know this sounds cheesy, like something out of some sappy romance novel or a fairytale. But I honestly think you could be my prince charming, and that's terrifying. I thought those other boys were my princes. I thought She was my queen. But I was wrong. Though I will not say that they didn't save me. Each of them saved me in their own way. Each of them taught me something valuable. They've saved me from the fire, but so have you. I just want to be yours.

Excerpt From A Book I'll Never Write #14

•••••••••••••••••••••

Couple Things

I'm sitting here thinking of the kind of couple we could be and it's breaking me into pieces. The cold lonely nights wouldn't be so lonely. The bed made for two would finally hold more than just me. Maybe I would grow out of cuddling with my teddy bear and cuddle you instead. I wouldn't need to convince myself to stay alive for one more day because you'd be there doing it for me. These are the thoughts that cloud my head in the minutes before my eyes close and I fall into the abyss that is sleep.

Excerpt From A Book I'll Never Write #15

•••••••••••••••••••••

Much Love,

Asher/Anna

Hope you all have a good day and had a good Halloween. Stay safe.