Getting Drunk So I Understand

Every Single Time

"Sure, we can go upstairs if you need. What's wrong?"

"Everything?" Grantaire mumbled, standing up to follow Enjolras. The sounds of the group died away as they climbed the stairs.

"What's wrong?" Enjolras said, again. Grantaire sighed.

"You always ask me why I drink so much, why I'm drunk all the time. Do you still want to know why?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"Even if the answer isn't what you expected, or if it's not the answer you want to hear?"

"Yes. I want to know why you are stuck in this horrible cycle."

Grantaire sighed again.

There was no easy way to go about this. He knew that his words would be damning. He took a deep breath, "Do you know why I come here, day after day? Why I come to meetings if I don't care about the cause, if I don't see it's purpose? If I don't agree?"

"I have often wondered that, yes" Enjolras said.

"Well, see, I...I...do.." he stuttered, his hand fidgeting with his bottle, "I come because, well, I come because of you."

"What? What do you mean?" Enjolras asked.

"I come every day because of you....and, well, I drink because of you. Because, well, I just want you to..I want you and the others to realise I do care about all this, but I always mess everything up, and I just can't handle disappointing you, every day, and I... I can't always handle knowing that, well...."

"Grantaire, listen to me, you are not a disappointment. I do care about you. What, what have I said to make you think I'm disappointed in you? What did I do?"

"Enjolras, you haven't done anything wrong. It's me. I screw everything up. Maybe that's why I drink- it's like a cycle. See, I...uh, every day I tell myself that today is the day I stop all of this and show everyone I'm not just a drunkard, and every day I do something to mess it up- and then all I can see is your disappointed expression. I don't want to be a disappointment- because if I am, how could you ever... ever..." he couldn't finish his sentence. Enjolras did not respond at first.

"Grantaire. You, you have never disappointed me. Not really. Yes, I get frustrated with your constant drinking, and with your sarcastic comments, but, I'm not disappointed."

"You're...you're not? You don't, you don't wish I would stop showing up?"

"Why would I want that?"

Grantaire could not find an answer to that. Nor could he reason why Enjolras would want to keep a drunk around. They stood in silence for a couple minutes. Grantaire sighed. "Cosette said this would be easy." He muttered.

------

A/N: Helloooo! This is a little shorter but quality not quantity ayy

I doubt you want to read about me chatting to myself, so I hope you enjoy and please feel free to contact me!

Love always,

barricadedreams x