These Stories Are Lies

six

Two hours later I ring on Nicos doorbell.

It took me a while and I found out more than I wanted, but after searching a while I finally found his address.
Okay, that's hella creepy, but I really need to talk to Nico, so I had to find out where he lives, so I had to google him.
It may sound weird, but until the moment when Nico opened the door looked at me and said 'What the hell?'

This was when I realized that it was 11pm and I just popped up in front of Nico, what would make me look even more like a freak than I already did anyway, and oh dear, what even did I thought?

'Wanna come in?'
Nico looks slightly surprised, but he doesn't look at me like he would think less of me than before.
What actually doesn't mean that much as well.

Anyway, I follow him inside.

'Why are you here? How do you even know where I live?'

'Uhm, long story' I blush. This whole thing is probably the stupidest thing I have ever done.
Beside punching this idiot into hospital of course.
'So, how y're doing?'

'Seriously?'
'Uhm... should I go? I mean, I obviously should... but whatever, I'm sorry, I just gotta go now, I just thought... actually I think I thought nothing. I mean, nothing that would somehow-'

'Shut up Solace. Please'
'Sorry.'

I awkwardly stare at Nico, who seems to be very busy with staring at the floor.
'So, why are you here?'
He still looks at the floor and I'm really sorry for making him feel uncomfortable.
'A friend told me to come over.'
'A friend?'
'Yes, a friend. An old friend told me to talk to you if I want to get to know you better.'
I'm pretty sure that my face is dark red by this point, but it can't get any worse anyway.
'No offense, but your friend sucks at giving life advise.'
'You could say so, but still, you probably talked more to me in the last minutes than in the whole last week.'

Nico glares at me, for what he has to look up, so I get so to see those incredible eyes of him again.

'So I guess you want to stay here now?'
He looks at me pretty concerned.
Pretty. He actually looks pretty, in his own way.
I should probably try not to get distracted this easily.

'Sure, if this is okay.'

Nico sights and walks up some stairs until he finally leads me into his room.
He doesn't bother with switching the light on, so I can't see very much of the room, the light from the street lanterns outside is barely enough to not run into a wall.
'It's pretty dark.'
'Deal with it.'
'You really are a ray of sunshine, you know?'
'No. Do you want to sit down or something.'

Nico seems to be used to the lack of light and walks through the room without running into anything before he sits down on his bed, while I have about three near death experiences and at least five broken toes before I get to his bed where I sit down next to him.

Unfortunately I'm now pretty distracted by trying not to get distracted by the fact that I'm actually sitting next to Nico on his bed in a dark room.
I would love to say that I'm something like successful with this, but this would be a lie.

'How does it come that you didn't got expelled from school yet?'
I ask the most stupid question that comes to my mind.

'How does it come that Octavian didn't got expelled yet?'
Nico asks sarcastically
'Because our school system is fucked up and no one really cares.'

Now I don't know what to say - again.
Happily Nico starts to talk this time.
'Why did you beat up Octavian?'

'Because he and a couple of other people decided to attack one single person and the whole school was just watching.'
'I wouldn't have needed any help.'
'You where already on the floor.'
'So what?'
'How can you be so chilled about this?!'
'What are the other options? Beating up every single idiot on this planet? There will always be people like this.'
'Of course, if no one does anything about it!'

What was up with this boy?

'Can we change the topic?'
Now he sounds sad. Dear god, if he would just talk to me! All I want is to help him!

'Okay. Books or movies?'
'Neither.'
'Really? Why?'
How can one neither like books or movies?
'What's the point of them?'
'Seriously? I mean, everything! The stories, the things they tell and show you!'
'They are just stories someone made up, because people want to believe that there will be a happy end, or at least, that they are not alone with their pain. But that's a lie.'
'That's the saddest thing I've ever heard someone say.'
'I'm sorry.'
'I didn't ment it like this. Do you think the same about music?'
'No.'
'Why?'
'Because I like music.'
'But Nico?'
I like to say his name, it's really beautiful.
'Yes?'
'It's not a lie - that people don't have to be alone with their pain. No one has to be alone.'
'Sometimes being alone is the best thing.'
'It makes you sad.'
'It's easy.'
'Being sad isn't easy.'
'Of course it is. The happier you are, the more you have to lose.'
'Please don't think like this. You can't always run away from everything that might make you happy, just because you're afraid of losing it. That will only make you even more sad. And lonely.'
'I am lonely.'
'No, you have me.'
'I don't have you, you're just hanging out with me because you freaked out everyone else in school.'
'That's not true!'
My voice shakes, I hope he won't notice.
'Tell me honestly you would have tried to talk to me if you would have found friends! Tell me anyone would as long as there would be someone else.'
Now his voice is shaking too.
Damn, I just wanted to talk to him, now we're both about to cry. And I - fool that I obviously am - thought I would have something like social skills.
'I think I should leave now.'
I say, about to get up.
'Because you don't want to answer?
'...yes.'
'Okay, goodbye.'
'Damn it, Nico, I didn't mean it like this, I'm sorry -'
'You don't have to be sorry for being honest.'
'I wanted to say that I'm sorry for coming. I should have stayed home.'
I really should have, I feel like I hurt both of us way to much.
'I'm sorry too.'
'For what?'
'I don't knock - just - I know you just tried to be friendly. It's just - I'm not - whatever, good night.'
'Good night.'

He leads me to the front door and I drive back home, now tired, but with way to many thoughts in my head to sleep.