The Zombie Apocalypse with MCR (Complete)

Winter Traditions

"Can I speak to you for a second?"

The quiet murmur stops me in my tracks, and I turn with raised eyebrows to face Natalie.

"Nevaeh?" Mikey's on the threshold of the kitchen, holding the door open. "Shall we pick the movie?"

I glance over my shoulder, smile my thanks. "Don't wait, Mikes. Get it started. We'll be right there."

His eyes flicker behind his glasses, between me and her, and he pulls the door closed on his way inside. He values privacy, at least.

She's hovering by the snuffed out fire, eyes closed against the swirls of thick white smoke. I stamped it out a few minutes ago; the memory of the heat hasn't yet fled into the cool autumn evening. The sky has turned grey, the stars winking into existence. It's too dark for a fire now - the glow could be seen by too many eyes.

I take up a position beside her, holding my elbows as I wrap my arms around myself. She's still draped in a blanket. Ray took mine with him as we collected the food and drink and chairs to clear the garden.

"Everything okay?" I ask, eyes on the dying embers.

Whatever she has to say, it's important. I can feel the weight of it in the air. Feel the words choking her. Taste fear in her clenched jaw and wobbling fists. Whatever's squatted between us all these months has finally gotten too much for her to handle.

"Not really." She scoffs, and scrubs a hand over her forehead. Through the snarls of her ashy blonde hair. "I didn't know you liked girls."

I... Didn't know that this would be the topic of conversation.

"I don't know if I do." I frown, trying to be honest. I don't try at that often enough. "She was alone and desperate. She used me, really. Not that I wasn't willing," Nat's harsh glance sends the words sprawling from my lips, "I was. But... I think we were both lonely, her more than me, and she wanted to feel human. Wanted to be touched by a human. It was the same with Evan. No feelings." A shrug, a small smile. "Doesn't need to be feelings to have sex."

"No, I suppose that's true." She nods thoughtfully. Stares at the fire like there's a puzzle in amongst the ashes and charred wood. "But things like that used to matter to you. Loving someone before having sex with them."

My heart squeezes, and my stomach roils, and I flinch away from the judgement in her voice. The accusation in her eyes, if not in her actual words. You've changed, she accuses, something important has been lost. Has been spoiled.

Venom surges in my heart and rushes up my throat to spill out of my lips, "Sacrifices had to be made for your safety, I suppose."

I don't mean to lay the blame at her feet. It isn't her fault, or Alissa's or Mark's or the guys. The world has changed, and we have to change with it. Change or die. I've made my choice, and she must make hers.

Still, she flinches back like I've struck her. I don't take the words back, because they're mostly true.

"I didn't ask for this," She says, and her eyes shine when she turns to look at me. "I didn't ask for you to take on the burden of our lives. You could have left."

"Left with the knowledge you would die without me." I agree, nodding. "Plus, I was asked. All those times I helped others, and it was clear that nobody wanted me acting the hero."

"That wasn't me." She insists, and tears spill past her blonde lashes.

"But you benefitted." I shrug, "You didn't argue. You didn't venture out with me or share the burden, still don't." My head tilts back, my eyes on the stars. On the snowy outline of the Milky Way, which I can just make out beyond the edges of the garden fence. "I don't blame you. I don't even want an apology. But I'm tired of you hating me for failing to be that girl you loved in school. Because she's gone, Natalie. She's dead and buried, and I'm all that's left."