You're My Secret

The Funeral

Really too late to call,

So we wait for morning to wake you

Is all we got

To know me as hardly golden

Is to know me all wrong, they warn

At every occasion,

I'll be ready for the funeral

At every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral

"The Funeral" - Band Of Horses

It was a Wednesday.

A really nice day actually.

We'd been having a hot sticky summer, but I remember that today, that day was nice. Since my parents had four children and wanted to have as much time with us as possible. We each had our own day once a month together.

Mine was Wednesdays. Always.

I'd begged my parents to go swimming, even though my mother wasn't a great swimmer. My father was, he was great at just about everything, which is just part of the reason I worshiped him. The other was his total devotion to my mother and me and my siblings.

My mom had relented, finally agreeing to swimming.

Me and my dad would play this game where we would hold our breath under water for as long as we could. Whoever lost had to give the other person ten kisses and ten hugs. It was always even some days I won and other times he did. I always liked it when he won because he gave me these giant bear hugs, that consisted of him wrapping me up in his arms and twirling me around.

I remember that we were the only people at the lake. It was silent, just mom and dad and me.

We swam and had a picnic and talked about the upcoming school year.

I remember staying there for hours until it was time to go. We started to drive back to town when a deer came into the street and dad swerved to avoid the animal.

I remember glass shattering and screaming.

My mom had blood running down her face and my dad wasn't opening his eyes.

I was seven. I was terrified.

I didn't yell for help. I didn't try to get anybody. I just wanted my parents to open their eyes and say something.

Say anything

I don't know how long I sat there. But I know that it was longer than a few minutes.

Flashing lights invaded my line of sight. Sirens filled my ears. I was dragged away from my now dead parents.

Thrown into the arms of our town sheriff.

Everything was hazy after that day. The next day, the next week, and their funeral.

I only remember one thing. One sentence whispered in hush voices.

The words.....

If she had gotten help they would have had a chance.

*******************************

My town slowly turned on me after that day at school. Not in giant ways, just things like neighbour no longer smiled or waved at me. My brothers and aunt yes, but not me. People turned there backs on me. I lost friends.

I remember feeling cold. Alone. Confused.

Was I their killer? Could I have saved my parents?

I just didn't want them to be alone.