You're My Secret

Oath

Yo, my best friend, best friend 'til the very end

Cause best friends, best friends don't have to pretend

You need a hand, and I'm right there right beside you

You in the dark, I'll be the bright light to guide you

"Oath" - Cher Lloyd ft. Becky G.

My room has a bathroom and a giant walk in closet. In the back of my closet there's this little door that leads to a small room. Kind of like a place for storage, but I can fit in side along with at least one other person, usually Matty, and some blankets and pillows.

This place is my hide away. My place. There's two giant blankets and 3 medium sized pillows. When I'm here alone I'm usually writing songs or sleeping. Sometimes it's neither..... Sometimes it's something darker.

Like now.

The first time I cut myself it was just out of curiosity. I'd read stories and scene blogs where people talk about it, what it is and how it helps them. I was thirteen. A small simple cut, I never thought it'd turn into something I needed for release.

I don't do it often. But I do it, enough so I have the scars to prove it.

Matty and my brothers hate that I do it. I try not to anymore because they get so sad and disappointed.

It was never to hurt them. They always thought I was still dealing with our parents death, which I wasn't. It was the abuse.

The constant bullying from my peers.

The hateful stares and whispers.

The tripping.

The spitting.

The pranks

The name calling.

Most of these things go on when the guys aren't around.

No this would never happen to the guys.

Not Mac, linebacker of our football team.

Not Andy, the teams quarterback.

Not Dylan, the most gifted art student our school has ever seen.

And not Matthew, who is a member of our schools basketball team.

No. If there was one thing our town took seriously it was sports. Especially Football and Basketball.

So my family and closet friends had all found them selves in the popular crowd.

Their other "friends" knew how much they cared for me so there'ye bullying never took place near the boys.

And scared little me rarely let it slip who was tormenting me. The guys had an idea, but they weren't a 100 percent sure. And they couldn't go around just punching and accusing everyone.

Jonah used to be popular as well until he graduated and left town. He had skipped a grade based on his excelled skills in all subjects. Leaving me minus one friend and protecter.

After I cut the first time I was in a state of shock. I couldn't believe I actually did it. I couldn't believe I did it and it made me feel like this.

Free. Almost like that other shit held no meaning in comparison.

So I did it once more.

Now I have a whole set of razor blades, packets of band aids and a collection of antiseptic wipes, all tucked into a basket in my hidden room.

The words Matt said earlier at the park kept playing in my mind.

"Who cares if they find out?"

I know how amazing it would be for them if people here found about the band. Their popularity would sky rocket. Even more so than right now.