Bruises~an FVK short story

Feel alive

  An; I wanted to try something a little different and I got this strange idea when listening to 'bruises' and so here you go. This is only a mini story (a chapter for each song on the album) but I hope you like it anyway and please vote/comment if you think it's good. Dedicated to my timid TheseWorstNightmares
Lucifer xoxo

Kier's PoV
  I sighed softly as I gazed into the cracked mirror, not entirely pleased with the dull, lifeless reflection that shone back at me, completely showing how dead I felt inside, despite the fact that I was trying so hard to fight this feeling. I didn't want Laurence to find out about it, and more importantly, I didn't want this feeling to define me anymore. I just wanted to forget all about it, leave it behind and start a new life; one that was my own to control freely without the consuming thought eating away at itself in the back of my mind.

Of course, just like many other things in this life, forgetting this feeling and way of life would be a lot easier said than done; simply trying to contain my urge for a few weeks was taxing and, inevitably, no matter how hard I tried, I always ended back at square one, hating myself for it. I hated that I had to be this way, and I hated the fact that I had to betray Laurence in this way, over and over again. I hated that I couldn't stop it, as no matter how hard I tried to, it always ended up happening.

Luckily, I had managed to keep my 'double life', a secret from Laurence for almost two years now, which was roughly how long we had been a couple for. I knew that it was unfair of me to keep such a big secret from Laurence, but I saw no other option that wouldn't end up hurting us both and ruining our relationship, as well as our quite famous band. Not only that, but I would also end up triggering Laurence to believe that this was his fault, that he wasn't enough for me and that's why I did, that he was the reason I found comfort in the arms of another.

If he thought that, he would be wrong, so wrong.

None of this was Laurence's fault, and it never had been, only mine. I couldn't even blame my despicable actions on a bad relationship because the years I had spent with Laurence were the happiest, most joyful years of my pitiful life. He was all I ever dreamed of and more. No matter what my mood was, he always seemed to brighten up my dreary day and bring a wide smile to my face, just by how he treat me, and just by knowing that someone as perfect as Laurence Beveridge loved me. It seemed completely bizarre but strangely it was true, and he had proved how much he loved me many times, just by all the little things he did and all the things he remembered about me, like how he knew my favourite movie was iron man and that hot chocolate, marshmallows, hugs and marvel movies could make me feel so much better. He always surprised me with amazing date nights and took me to beautifully posh places, not caring about how much it would be costing him. He did his best to make time for me, despite the fact that right now we were recording a huge album and planning another world tour for the start of next year. He always tried his best to keep the flat clean so I wouldn't have to do as much work and even when I left things in a huge mess, he never complained or shouted at me.

I was so lucky to have him with me, I really didn't deserve him and I never would. If he knew the truth about me, he would be utterly disgusted and revolted, just like I am with myself everyday just for having these controlling thoughts. He wouldn't understand it at all and he probably wouldn't even give me the adequate time to explain it, he would just leave, like he should have done a long time ago. Still, it wasn't like I could explain this to him, as I still didn't completely understand it myself. Everything would be fine, me and Laurence would be happy and getting along terrifically....until I spotted another, even if it was just a quick glance as I passed them on the street. Then, boom! Everything would suddenly change and I wouldn't be able to get the mystery person out of my brain; my thoughts would be consumed by longing for them. In a way it was like a sick twisted game, a game of me endlessly chasing people until I get what I want, yet I'm never fully satisfied, therefore the game never ends. It's a pointless game really, as there is no real winners, just survivors.