I lay in my bunk, staring at the bus ceiling over my head and twisting my cross necklace in my hands. I can't sleep, it's been hours. I listen to the sound of my fingernails rubbing against the diamonds embedded in my necklace and the sounds of my four best friends sleeping. I roll over and over, trying desperately to keep my eyes shut but nothing works.
I can't stop thinking about my mom. I miss her so much it hurts. I miss literally everything about her, including all of her flaws. I would re-live every single fight we ever had just to get to see her once more. I miss her laugh and her hugs when I needed them most and her caring worlds she spoke so softly to me. My head pounds with memories, clouding my thoughts and screaming over the music playing in my ear. I turn up the volume all the way, attempting to drown my thoughts. But, to my luck, the worst song possible plays next. The song reminds me so much of my mother that I catch my lip in my teeth, drawing blood, too keep from crying. It's no use though. Tears spill over my eyelids and rush down my flushed cheeks. Small gasps escape my mouth after long string of silent sobbing.
I can't wake the boys up. I peel my covers off of my body and lower myself as quietly as possible over Michael's bed. His eyes flutter in his sleep and his lips are parted slightly, creating a barely audible hum of a snore escaping with each breath. A tiny smile creeps on my lips between the tears. I tiptoe to the front room and climb up on the spare bunk, far enough away from the boys so I can cry in peace. I pull my knees to my chest and my sleeves over my hands, looking out the window at the moonlit trees. Wherever we are in the world, it sure is pretty at night. Silent sobs shake my body, water rushing from my eyes and staining the cuff of my sweatshirt, which I continuously wipe with. I clench my fist into a fabric covered ball, pushing it against my mouth to subside the intakes of air between the silence.
Suddenly I hear a creak of hardwood and I quickly wipe my face as hard as I can, glancing over the side of the bed to see who it might be.
"Hey, what are you doing up?"
Michael's raspy tone questions me and I refuse to look down, not wanting him to see me.
"Oh, no. No, no, no, what's wrong?"
I see Michael's shadowed figure below me. His whisper sounds distressed and I clear my throat, not meeting his eyes.
"Nothing, I couldn't sleep."
I rub my sleeve over my raw red cheeks again while I shielding my face.
"You're crying, I don't like that. Not at all."
He responds in a sleepy voice but it is rough with love and concern. I don't answer as more tears begin to leap to my eyes, blurring my vision. My bottom lip catches between my teeth again. I notice him place a hand on the ladder and, although I can hardly see his face, he looks up at me with beautiful, pleading green eyes.
"Can I come up?"
He asks very quietly. I simply nod, thinking I would very much like his company right now. He pulls himself onto the bunk and rests his back on the glass of the window, not staring at me while I cry, which I appreciate. His chest rises and falls slowly as he glances at me. Another grimace of sadness crosses his gorgeous face and he reaches his arm out towards me shyly.
"Can I hold your hand?"
I nod again, unballing my fist and slipping my cold fingers into his small warm ones. He closes his other hand on top of mine, rubbing the back of it gently. His gesture brings me comfort instantly. I lean my head back against the wall and an involuntary whimper escapes my lips, a side affect from crying. His hand squeezes mine in an instant.
He break the quiet once again a few minutes later.
"Can I hug you?"
Before he can even finish his question, I sit up and pull myself right on to his lap, my legs on either side of him, and I bury my head in the crook of his neck. He stiffens momentarily, but soon exhales contently, my arms snaking around his soft body.
"Stop asking for permission, dumbass."
I speak lowly in his ear. I feel his cheeks warm and pull into a smile as they rest against my head.
"Sorry."
He apologizes unnecessarily, which causes a chuckle to mix in my mess of emotions. My tears soon soak his shirt and he brushes the hair on my neck with his fingers, repeating the same phrase over and over.
"It's gonna be okay, sweetheart. I love you, it's gonna be okay."
His words sound so sincere and genuine, which makes my heart beat harder. Although him saying 'I love you' is a platonic friend thing, I feel so much more for this angel of a boy.
I whisper to him, feeling his skin raise as I do.
"Thank you, Mikey."
He doesn't respond, instead he folds his arms delicately around my body, holding me as close to him as possible. I feel his pink mouth press into my forehead, making a million butterflies erupt in my chest.
Suddenly, his lips begin to ghost down my face. First my temple, then down to my cheek and I stay frozen as he kisses the wet trails left by my tears. He pulls away slowly, almost reluctantly, and his emerald irises gaze into mine. The light of the moon makes it easier to scan his flawless features. I watch my own hand slide onto face, resting on his jawline and brushing his cheek with my thumb. His plump lips curl slightly and he leans into me. Our mouths brush together so softly it barely happened, but then he tilts his head to place a gentle kiss on me, our lips fitting perfectly.
My heart immediately melts. I put my hands against his chest and he cups my face in his palms, handling me like a glass doll. His lips move with mine so effortlessly and I can't help but wonder why this took so long to happen. I just feel a strange sense of completeness. His cold, adorable nose is tucked into my cheek as the kiss grows deeper. The only sound to be heard is the quiet break and reattachment of our lips ever so often. A long, sexy sigh escapes his nose, causing me to smile and respond with several choppy giggles through my own. He soon smiles as well and we both sit, our outstretched grins pressed together. I lean back on the bed, admiring his beauty and he does the same to me.
"Wow."
Is the only thing that slips out of his mouth, his smile still evident on his face.
"Wow."
I agree. He shakes his head in disbelief and I climb back into his lap, which he welcomes, planting another kiss on my forehead.
"I like you a lot, by the way."
He easily admits, not looking away from me for one second. I bite my lower lip in attempt to control my excited smile. I kiss his sweet lips once more before mumbling against them.
"I'm crazy about you, Clifford."
•••••
a/n: im really proud of this tbh pls like it
~ab
