Disordered

chapter 20

p.o.v Mason

I think its been 3-4 months since Ali died, everyday a nurse checked on me. She or he would find new fresh cuts but could never find the razor so they gave up. I think I haven't ate in four days not because I don't want to its just i can't cook and Cole only comes once a month to visit. I tell him over and over again to leave me alone but he said if he did I would die from not eating. I can't get Ollie or Ali out of my head, I keep hearing their voices or seeing them. I want it to stop but the guilt is to much for me to take, knowing I killed Ali and I losts someone I loved is to much. Ollie is probably worse then I am..from what Cole's told me. I want to see Ollie but then I don't... I heard the door open, "Cole?" I walked down the stairs seeing Cole take of his hoodie. 

"Sup, Mase."

"Hi..."

"Go take a shower and shave we're going to the hospital."  

"Why?" 

"The doctor wants to see you says its important." I nodded and did what he told me to. I just put on some old pants and a black shirt, we went to the hospital. The doctor said he wanted to try this new medication said someone with the same case as me took it and felt and acted normal. Hasn't had a break down in 3 years, I hoped for the best and took it. After an hour just sitting there I started feeling..normal. I was able to pay attention to what everyone was saying also no more voices. 

"There's some side effects."

"Like?"

"Depression, suicidal and not much of a hunger." I nodded. "Oh your friend Ollie is in here if you would like to see him."

"...I don't think-"

"He would love to see him." Cole said patting my knee.

"Okay come with me." He took me to Ollie's room and left, I walked in his room he was sleeping. He's so cute when he sleeps...He woke up and jumped.

"Mason?"

"Sorry..." He tried to through a pill but it didn't go far. He looked so sick, his arms were just bone and skin I bet under that hospital gown he looked much worse.  "I'll just leave.." I started to head out the door when he said to wait. So I did. 

"Why are you here?"

"Um to try some new pills and the doctor said you were here.."

"Oh...I missed you."

"I missed you too." We sat in silence for a while until he said sorry.

"For what?"

"For making you worse."

"Worse? Ollie you made me better."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. I don't know why I had a break down like that, I thought I was getting better."

"It was because of me." He said looking down. 

"No it wasn't Ollie." I tighten my fist. "It wasn't your fault it was my own." I walked closer to him he stayed quiet. "I'm sick Ollie I can't help it when I have a break down. It's no ones fault." 

"Mason...you said it was a good thing for us to be apart but I think it just made us worse."

"I agree." He grabbed my hand, he was ice cold. 

"Don't leave just lay with me okay?" I nodded and laid with him until we both fell asleep. For the first time in months I finally had a good dream...

P.o.v Mason

Ollie finally got out of the hospital and came back to live with me, Leo wasn’t happy I guess but didn’t show it from what Sage told me he wanted Ollie to be happy but Leo still hates me. Can’t really blame him but Ollie is slowly getting better. “Mason, hurry up your hot coco is getting cold!”